The Official Monster Raving Loony Party

My campaign in Ely & East Cambridgeshire launched amid a heady blend of untamed Loony optimism and polite bafflement from electors with the rallying cry ‘A new candidate for a new constituency and a total change from everything that hasn’t gone before!’
Living opposite a village pub, nominations were collected in double-quick time with papers filed on 6 June. East Cambs Council elections team were extremely supportive and very patient as I showered them with questions on everything from whether beer mats in a pub constitute promotional materials, to which caption a yellow rubber duck’s ‘expenses’ go into.
Canvassing as a Loony is different. While other candidates faced doorstep aggro, I received approval for standing, smiles, laughter, widespread agreement with our Manicfesto (along with a promise to plant 68 million magic money trees to pay for it all) and general reassurance that people wouldn’t be voting for me!
Highlights of the campaign? An excited 17 year old politics student telling me I was his very first ‘real’ parliamentary candidate and that he’d written a paper on the importance of the OMRLP; people actually understanding what we actually stand for; the many memories of Screaming Lord Such (lots of rock fans of a certain age!); finding Loony enclaves all-round the constituency; and, as our Hustings came to a close, being handed a note by our Chairman (a very eminent ex-Cabinet Secretary) that read ‘Guess who will get the last word?’
Oh, and unseating a, now former, Cabinet minister – without a recount, despite the 495 majority. How did I do? Well, with 271 votes I came 6th of 9 candidates even beating the SDP into 7th place!
Thanks to my amazing local Loony supporters without whom I might have had a nice quiet time of it, those nationally and internationally who provided encouragement and particularly to The Incredible Flying Brick, Chinners, the Baron and of course Our Inspirational & Glorious Leader, Alan along with everyone at LoonyHQ for distributing rosettes, badges, guidance and confusion. Will I do it again next time? You bet!
See you all at Conference.
Hoo-Ray Henry

Thu 26 – Sat 28th Sept will be our 40th conference. We are heading back to The George and Dragon Hotel in Belper, Derbyshire which is a great venue. We have been there before, so we know we will be well looked after by a great crowd of people.
Thurs is meet and greet for the early arrivals. Friday great live bands ‘Moon Bullet’ plus ‘Man Pant’. Saturday two more live bands ‘Done Dirt Cheap’ and ‘Gripper and the Gurnards’ which will play after the 12 noon town pub crawl, the leaders speech, our world famous cabinet reshuffle and other shenanigans.
‘Bad Axe’ will be there performing his usual set which is not suitable for the ‘Woke’ brigade. Accommodation is very good in and around the town, the venue itself has a couple rooms on a first come first serve basis.
Only 8 weeks away, so get in quick. Camping also available by arrangement.
I’ll be there for 10 days, from Thurs 19th making sure all goes to plan. So if any of you want to make a longer break of it, you won’t be on your own.
See you all there.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Loony Party Leader 07946 292 557

Due to the not so clever move by the previous Government in calling an early General Election, we sadly had to delay a few things to concentrate on the impending Loony Mudslide. One sutch thing was our Loony Kings Birthday Honours, which we can now gladly rectify .? . .

We hear by declare, that Lord Tim Smith has been spiritually appointed as the Minister of Snowy Ponds, Kalidoscopes & Starry Skies.
This maybe True, False or awaiting confirmation/Denial by the ABC
A Gent Chinners

Very well done to all of our candidates who stood in the 2024 General Election, you did us proud. A special mention to The Mad Hatter down in New Forest East, he came top of the polls with 592 votes and a 1.2% of the turnout. And to Elvis of East Anglia in Norfolk & South West with 338 votes but 1.7% of the turnout. Not forgetting Sir Archibald and Gilly in Richmond & Northallerton who only got 99 votes, but he who comes last will prevail for his 99 votes actually beat three other opponents!
Howling Laud Hope – Loony Leader

Standing in Kenilworth and Southam for the third time, I sent out leaflets (using candidates mail) to every household in the constituency; to let everybody know I was on the ballot paper.
At the main husting event, I decided to send a cardboard cut-out instead of going in person. It went down well, apparently. At least my replacement didn’t have to answer any awkward questions!
I managed to maintain my support with 442 votes. Luckily, I didn’t finish last, coming 6 of 7, beating UKIP by 289 votes.
Incumbent Tory Jeremy Wright, former Attorney General, retained his seat but I have reduced his majority over me from about 30,000 in 2019, down to just 19,000, so I’m making rapid progress. In a few years-time – the un-thinkable might happen?
It was a long, and quiet night at the Count, I didn’t get to do my speech until 5am, 6 hours after I arrived. Thank god there wasn’t a re-count!
Many thanks to ‘Team Blunderbuss’ – Billy ‘Bunter’ Burton, Gary ‘Bratwurst’ Sweetman, Barry ‘The Squire’ Rose and my election agent, Simon ‘The Raging’ Bull.
Nick Blunderbuss Green

I had some icky qualms about standing in Kingston & Surbiton once again, however, with Sir Ed Davey now the party leader of the Lib Dems, the signs were that there’s good cud could be made. With the manicfesto made all up, I began to dive in completing my entry forms and also had to go off & things before the day is gone, arranging posters & what I would be eating in bed at dinner time. The usual 6-7 hustings events were limited to just 3 with attendance being rather pony (only 12 attendees with just 3 candidates were at one of them). ?
July 3rd was a lovely day & the ideal date for my trademark ‘Victory Party’ at Maypole Pub HQ as it fell on my friend Tim Smith’s birthday. The fabulous Timeless Tim Hain & his all stars, Chris Belshaw & Paul Davis delivered a superb evening of bleggae whilst Steve McShane stunned punters with his close-up magic, it was all spectacular!
Hope day arrived and after a few scoops in The Lamb, Surbiton the big ship set sal for the King’s Center in Chessington. Newt (our candidate for Kingston in 1992 & 1997), Strong Jon, Oz, Bone, Paging Jim, Lord & Lady Bamford and very special guest Emporess Yvonne Elwood entered the counting hall which was a ditzy scene with TVTV cameras abound in every corner.?
Just after 3am, with the atmosphere as cold as can be in an English sea, I finally achieved last place in an election with 230 votes to avoid being tarred & feathered before heading off to watch the other TVTV coverage at Sir Ed’s after ‘party’.?
Oh, a bizarre achievement from this election was receiving over 5 millions views on the internets whole world window, to date, of me thanking the votes . . . Is This The Life? The Mirror – Americans convinced UK isn’t real
Chinners

‘Holborn & St Pancras’ is a wonderful constituency name, it sort of rolls off the tongue. When I’ve been asked ‘where are you standing this time’ I’ve enjoyed rolling it out looking for any sign of recognition? I’m glad it wasn’t called ‘Camden’ as that would be far too obvious! Chinners and Knigel Knapp came to my rescue once again in my bid for the parliamentary seat. They connected me with local party supporter Joshua ‘Mad Hatter’ Mallinson who is on the party’s lunatic fringe and a crazy fireball of insanity. Joshua collected many nominating signatures on beer mats which may not have cut the mustard with the Camden Elections department and after a couple of phone calls and emails did it all again, seamlessly, on the appropriate form. Most amazingly, all bar one of the original signatories tallied as registered voters so it would seem that the noble ‘Tapping the Admiral’ drinkers are very conscientious democratic citizens.
I delivered my papers to the elections department on the 4th June with the help of Bootleg Richard and afterwards we met reporter Dan with Joshua and my campaign was launched with a piece in the Camden Journal and an interview with Lembit Öpik (7 min from the start)
Before I knew it my campaign was over and I was sitting in the Diwana Bhel Poori House having a lovely curry with my large group of counting agents all keen to see a loony landslide. We had a shortcut through Euston Station, a foray into Wetherspoons ‘The Captain Flinders’, and another shortcut through St Pancras Station. Then we were welcomed into the count at Camden Council’s new very snazzy venue at 5, Holborn Place and what a great night it was. I came eighth out of twelve candidates and was the first to shake Kier’s hand after the declaration!
Nick the Flying Brick

Our colourful team were Sir Archibald, Gilly, RU Seerius, Lady Hell ’n Back, Johnny Ringo, Susie Queue, Lord Stifflegs of Leyburn, Lady Di Lilli Pilli, locals Paul the Political Poet and Stew Exotic with his tiger Lazy Ass.
We rendezvoused for the evening at The Buck, the local Wetherspoons pub in Northallerton where Elspeth the manageress and the locals made us extremely welcome and where we were interviewed by Charlie from Tatler magazine.
We convened around 12.30am at the strict security count venue, Northallerton Leisure Centre prompting Gilly to say ‘we’ve seen more guns here than at the OK corral’
There were numerous photographs taken via the news networks and other candidates along with multiple interviews by the global TV and radio channels while the count was in progress.
Eventually after waiting for the arrival of the Prime Minister the result was announced shortly after 4.40am and I polled 99 votes and came 10th out of 13 candidates.
Gilly was once again prominent on the podium and our Party was supported by one of the other candidates on the podium who proudly displayed a large letter ‘L’ for Loony.
I managed to chat to the Prime Minister about Ringo’s mortgage going through the roof before we all departed the venue singing ‘we gotta get out of this place, if its the last thing we ever do’, to the great amusement of the Police.
Archie to mates – Sir Archibald to Magistrates