We are in the process of Offering Christian Wakeford M.P the Member of Parliament for Bury a chance to cross the floor and join the Official Monster Raving Loony Party as our Shadow Minister for Turncoats and Swoppsies.
As ever, we like to recognise those that have been overlooked by in the annual bribe or buy gong system. Not only are the following deserving recipients now worthy title holders, they also have an OFFICIAL Loony Ministry to maintain for future generations. This year we decided to go back to our roots as the true party that supports Rock n Roll.
Lord James Blunt
Minister of Self Deprecation of Twitter Lost Souls
Lady KT Tunstall
Minister of Evil Eyes that may struggle to Hear
Lord Justin Hawkins
Minister of Sutch Lightness Falsettos
Sorry this message is a bit late, unfortunately I have been flooded out of my flat, and am living in the local Premier Inn until repairs are completed. I haven’t had access to my computer.
This year started where the last one finished, Locked Down, Locked Out and Locked up. Until May that was, then we were all up and running for the local elections. May 6th saw The Flying Brick contesting the Hartlepool Parliamentary By-election. Plus an ‘Asylum of Loonys’ contesting various Town and Parish elections around the country, of which we came out with 6 seats, very well done to you all.
September saw us all converge on Louth Lincolnshire for our annual conference, all went well, and a great time was had by all.
December turned out to be a very good month for us, two by-elections in a fortnight. Firstly Bexley and Sidcup in Greater London Dec 2nd, Mad Mike Young was a great ‘Defender of our Faith’ and put on a great show, with the help of myself and our local party members from that area.
Dec 16th I was the candidate in Shropshire North coming 8th from 14 candidates, once again with The Brick being my agent and local party members joining in.
The Guinness Book of Records have now accepted my claim to being the longest serving Parliamentary Party Leader in GB, having just usurped Clement Attlee, who funnily enough once live in Fleet Hampshire where I do. He did 21 years, I have now been leader for 22 years, so will be in the GBR the next issue later this year. Thanks to my publicist Sir Derrill Carr.
Conference this year not finalised as yet, but will be soon. Keep an eye on the web site.
Once again thanks to all who have obtained a copy of my autobiography ‘The Great White Hope’, if you don’t have a copy as yet, it can be arranged, an autographed book. Call 07946292557 for more details.
See you all somewhere later in the year. Stay Loony
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Loony Party Leader
Two ‘Loony Likely Lads’ with a combined age of 150+ years from the Gosport Parliamentary Constituency area, which is a marine location, have launched a campaign, which though at one time was becalmed and ‘holed below the water line’ has suddenly got the ‘wind back in its sails’.
You see, Lord Charles OF Hill Head and Sir Toby Jugg (with 2 ‘g’s) from Hill Head and Lee-on-the-Solent (both in Hampshire) respectively are co-founders of the Solent Region OMRLP.
They are intent on raising the profile of the party, by increasing membership and encouraging candidates to stand in local and parliamentary elections.
Lord Charles is on the left holding a giant yellow voting ‘stick’ with its ‘built in’ cross ‘X’. Sir Toby is standing ‘shoulder to shoulder’ with him. Their region embraces the following locations:
Southampton, Test Valley, Eastleigh, Portsmouth, Chichester, Havant, Isle of Wight, New Forest as well as, the area covered by Hampshire County Council and the area covered by West Sussex County Council.
Sir Toby and Lord Charles would love to hear from any already ‘paid up’ Loony Members or prospective new members on their ‘patch’.
Charlie can be contacted on email@example.com and Jack on firstname.lastname@example.org
‘VOTE LOONY,YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE’
Our 3 worthy recipients of the 2022 Loony New Year Honours , however as an extra bit of fun, the Ministry for Lord James Blunt will be decided by a Twitter poll which closes around tea-time on New Year’s day!
>>Lord James Blunt Twitter Poll<<
All the gang from The Isles Of Deliberation Party would like to wish everyone a very Happy Christmas and a Great New Year. Many congratulations to all those stalwart Loonies who took part in elections across the country this past year and Boris ‘The Bumbling Oaf’ must be quaking in his shoes at the prospect of a looming victory somewhere soon for the OMRLP.
Our Island is still being bullied by the cowardly French Government and their even nastier fishermen who are hell bent on sinking the Jersey Fleet! However, the Isles Of Deliberation Party Defence Corps are ready to sally forth and execute ‘Operation Oran’ on the frog fishing fleet tied up in St. Malo and Cherbourg. (Look up what the British did to the French fleet in Oran during WW2!)
We also had a visit from Professor Retard and Tiger – Earl of LLanfair.pg. for a week and a rousing time was had by all with a stonking “Run Ashore” to finish it off – perhaps it is time we had the conference here again!? I was also in Ashburton a while ago and was repeatedly asked by the Old Timers when we were going to have a conference in the HQ town again. Bring it on!! Also my best to Joe Jammer who was not well recently but is back on the road again now – always a pleasure talking to you on the phone Joe.
Have a cracking time everyone and please make sure you contact us if any of you visit here – it will be of the greatest pleasure to entertain you and partake of liquid refreshment if you so desire.
The Jersey Flyer – Chairman OMRLP
Chief Isles Of Deliberation Loony
I was booked into the ‘Shrewsbury Wetherspoon Hotel’ with the compliments of Tim Martin and was ready for seven days of campaigning.
The ‘Flying Brick’ and our local man ‘Englebert Finklestein’ had been hard at work some weeks earlier submitting my nomination papers. Englebert lives in Market Drayton which is in the constituency, and knew a lot of people there.
The weather was quite poor so I didn’t get about as much as I would have liked to, nevertheless many locals knew that I was there and word soon got around.
I had visits from ‘The Wilfred Owen’ in Oswestry and ‘The Hippodrome’ in Market Drayton, both ‘Spoons venues, and both in the voting area.
Although The Shrewsbury was out of the constituency a lot of people from North Shropshire worked there so it all worked very well.
Once again we didn’t win, but once again we didn’t come last! 118 votes put us in eighth position out of fourteen candidates. Six other candidates wondering ‘where on earth did I go wrong!’
The Count night was very interesting, I was joined by The Brick, Englebert, Mr R U Seerius, Lady Helen Back, Sir Giles Greenwood our Bridgnorth councillor and Jason the Argonaut.
Well it wasn’t, we soon livened the place up, photos of our leader taking the stage with the winner went global, – I’d like to think ‘Looniversal’. Or is that looking too far into the future, maybe not, who knows.
Merry Christmas to you all.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Loony Party Leader.
Due to the inclement weather my campaign was heavily concentrated in cosy pubs where local drinkers readily approached me and my team for information. We left the cold-calling on cold doorsteps to the other parties. Pubs in both Bexley and Sidcup were covered, including Wetherspoon’s of course. Handed out were million pound notes freshly picked from the money tree in my back garden. I supply the million pound notes with a promise that they will become legal tender when our party wins power.
We were joined by the redoubtable Sheikh Mihand for one day of the campaign. He was sporting his usual Arab’s chequered headdress cunningly disguised as a tea towel.
We ignored an official request to arrive for the election count at 9:30pm so as not to get in the way of incoming ballot boxes from 10pm onwards. Instead we waited in a local Wetherspoon’s until we had supped sufficiently then made a grand entrance into the count an hour after it had begun. Joining the Howling Laud and me were Alan Cook (aka Baron von Cookie), his brother Mark, together with their dad Terry who all hail from Sidcup. They proved to be a terrific help with my nomination and campaign.
At every election count on my home turf I traditionally distribute bananas to all as a gesture of goodwill. Remarkably, not a single person would accept my proffered bananas and I was left with a briefcase full of the wonderful yellow fruit. Family members have subsequently transmutated the surplus into banana loaf.
Finally, it was announced that the moment of declaration had arrived. I rushed to the front of the pack and bounded up onto the stage to grab pole position only to be promptly turfed off by an official and instructed exactly where to stand down on the floor in front of the platform. Apparently only the mayor takes the platform and he makes the declaration. I was on the end of a lineup of eleven candidates but Howling Laud came to the rescue by invading the lineup to shake my hand, successfully upstaging the winner and getting us both in camera shot. As ever, he is the master of publicity.
Finally, I am proud that my record of failing to win a seat in the Commons remains unbroken.