Monster Raving Loony Local Elections – Results 2022

We contested 11 seats in all, six of those were in Chessington, Hook and Madlen Rushett in the Royal Borough of Kingston. They were :-
Director of Undertaking Brunskill 90
Captain Coiley 47
Agent Chinners 61
Lucky Guv Joe 65
Colonel Cramps 90
Lady Dave 121
Total = 474
A special mention for Lady Dave here for coming top of the class in the Zoo!!!

Other results around the country.
Our party leader Howling ‘Laud’ Hope stood in two seats, one for Fleet Town Council and for Hart District council in Hampshire. The best news is that he was ‘’Returned Unapposed” to the Fleet Town Council.

Trevor Half Person – Blackheath London –106
Sir Charles Reed – Fareham Hampshire – 124
Howling ‘Laud’ – Hart District Hampshire – 100
Sir Archibald Stanton – Dewsbury Yorks – 236
Sir Archie deserves a round of applause also.

So all in all, we still retain 6 Councillors.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Fleet Town Hants
Sir Giles Greenwood – Bridgenorth Shrops
Baron Von Thunderclap – Bolney Sussex
Norm the Storm – West Grinstead Sussex
Sarah ‘Mad Cow’ Howard – Lower Carlton
The Iconic Art Pole – Great Carlton, both in Lincolnshire.
Very well done to you all, proud of each one of you. See you all later in the year at the Conference, if not before.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope
Party Leader.

Chessington

Incorrectly named roundabouts and bus services were the main issues for the local Lucky Rover loony’s ahead of this years Local Elections. As far as we are aware, neither Lemmy or any other band member of Motorhead ever lived or worked in local area so we find it loony that they got a roundabout named after one of their hit songs. ??

We will redress this important issue by renaming the ‘Ace Of Spades’ at Hook, the ‘Downtown’ roundabout in honour of former resident Petula Clark.?? The Chessington World of Adventures ‘Tiger Rock’ water ride experience will be extended through Chessington to the Downtown Roundabout at Hook to supplement the local public transport service during the rush hours.
As is tradition, a Victory Party was arranged in the local Loony HQ the night before polling day. After a scare upon being informed that Bad Influence guitarist Richard was sadly ill, up stepped the legend that is Papa George to accompany the marvellous vocals of Val, performing some original and classic covers.

The Faux Fibbers performed a suitably loony set which had everyone present declaring their love of armadillos. Our glorious leader Howling Laud Hope was in attendance signing books and posing for numerous photos all evening.
The count was held on Friday 6th May and the following proclaimed results were duly cheered by all in the room . . .
Director of Undertaking Brunskill – 90 Captain Coiley – 47 Agent Chinners – 61 Lucky Guv Joe – 65 Lady Dave – 121 Colonel Cramps – 90
Chinners
Cartoon Muralist, Joint Deputy Leader, Minister of Spinning, Bouncing & Points

Dewsbury East

Apathy again won in Dewsbury East but we received 6% of the vote which is an incredible result.

On the Count Day and to the astonishment of the other parties we obtained a guest pass for Sir Archibald’s right hand man Gilly.
As there were 23 wards being counted Cathedral House in Huddersfield was full and buzzing with excitement.
We received a great deal of publicity and everyone wanted to have their photograph taken with us.
Sir Archibald and Gilly were asked by The Returning Officer to speak to a group of young schoolchildren who were visiting as part of their “insight into Politics “ project.
We made the point that ours was the only Official Party and all the others were not official.
Johnny Ringo and Baron von Rainer were our Count Agents and we returned home on a high to some valued liquid refreshment.
Looking forward to our next Campaign which will be Wakefield.
Sir Archibald Stanton

Stop Press News

Sir Archibald Stanton

As of yesterday, Tuesday 5th April 2022 all nominations for local council elections are in and announced. I am pleased to announce that ‘The Official Monster Raving Loony Party’ are contesting 11 seats.
Our Party Leader, Howling ‘Laud’ Hope is returned unapposed to ‘Fleet Town Council’ in Hampshire where he lives . He is also standing in the ‘Hart District Council’ which is the area that covers Fleet.
Sir Archibald Stanton is standing in ‘Dewsbury East’.
Trevor Halfperson, in doing Blackheath Westcombe Ward, London.
Charlie Read, Lord Charles is up for Fareham Hillhead, Hampshire.
Colonel Cramps and Lady Dave are doing Hook and Chessington.
A Gent Chinners, Captain Coley, Joe Lucky Gov, and Director of Undertaking Brunskill, all in Chessington South.
Now some great news, The Howling ‘Laud’ even at this early stage, is even more pleased to announce that he has been returned unapposed to the Fleet Town Council. So hypothetically, just 10 seats up for grabs on Thursday May 5th.
Best of Luck and Loonyism to you all.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Party Leader.

Birmingham Erdington By-election report

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party have contested several parliamentary by-elections, but statistically at least this must go down as the worst of the current millennium – although for how long it will hold that record remains to be seen.

Our candidate Sir NosDa (Shadow Minister for Information Super Highway Maintenance) was reluctant to stand as he claims not to be a Brummie. However he is practically a local candidate due to completing two marathons along the canals underneath the Spaghetti Junction.

NosDa kept quite busy with his day job and his second jobs so only found time to visit the constituency each Friday at lunch time, where a few enlightening conversations with voters revealed that not many people would vote for him unless he got an haircut.

The media were quite preoccupied with other events. Storms,  world war three, and an earthquake all conspired against the Good Knight’s attempt to promote real issues that the election should be fought upon:

An Ice Cream Van selling a ’99’ flake for more than £1 should be fined hundreds and thousands.

One local news source ‘organised’ a very well attended hustings event, but failed to inform our candidate until the day before so he was unable to make plans to attend. His absence at the Candidates and Agent’s briefings was also noted upon / complained about by one of the opposing election agents.

To take up the slack in the campaign Howling Laud Hope spent a week in the constituency and surrounding JD Wetherspoon pubs, and courted the votes of all 49 members of the Erdington Social Club.

When election day finally arrived it was a dull, dark, damp, day – that probably alliterates with other adjectives too. Our tellers at the polling stations reported a very low turnout.

Whilst the Labour party campaigners were busy knocking on the last few doors, desperate to get their own members out to vote, the Loony party delegation met with all the members voting in Erdington for a sociable pint and a lamb curry.

By the time we arrived at the count they had already finished counting our 49 votes, so there was not much to do other than chat with the other candidates, photo-bomb the opposing teams, and be quite polite to some journalists.

We finished the night 12th out of 14 places

Party / Candidate Votes
Apathy 46,039
Labour 9,413
Conservative 6,147
Trade Unionist 360
Reform 293
Green 236
Lib Dem 173
Independent 109
Christian Peoples 79
Another Independent 76
Spoiled Ballots 59
The Good Knight, Sir NosDa – Loony 49
A third Independent 14
Bus Pass Elvis 7

The 10 candidates polling less than 5% helped to boost the local economy by contributing £5,000 to Birmingham Council in the form of Democracy Tax  / Election Deposit payments.

The Good Knight Sir NosDa

Birmingham Erdington By-election Manicfesto

Good people of Erdington
Dare you vote Loony? Below are a few reasons why you should..
You know it Makes Sense.

  1. When formulating Policies the Government relies heavily on Expert Advise.The Loony Party will also take into account the opinion of “Dave on Facebook”Remember experts built the Titanic
  2. Any possible schemes thought up by Government Council , NHS etc,  (such as closure of Hospitals, workplace parking levy etc) in the Erdington area will be preceded with a public consultation which we will then ignore.
  3. We will reduce inflation by giving everyone free pins
  4. Along with the existing Government policy for leveling up the North with the South we will provide free spirit levels to all
  5. We will reduce hospital waiting lists by using a smaller font.
  6. We will reduce net migration by making sure that any nets are secured more firmly to the ground.
  7. With developers and councils increasingly in collusion with each other, we propose to upgrade the status of the greenbelt to that of a black-belt to prevent them from messing with it any further!
  8. All hospitals will have an In-patients Dept. , Out-patients Dept. and a shake it all about patients Dept.
  9. We will combat corruption in public life by taking part in it openly, we will introduce a Board of Bribery who will set standardised rates?. #sleaze for the many not just the few
  10. In order to calm down the passions and stresses currently exhibited in Parliament,the Loony Party would make all M.P’s have half an hours compulsory Tai chi everyday.This would counteract the other 23 ½ hours Chi Ting they do for the rest of the time.
  11. We propose to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Chris.
  12. All political and electoral leaflets will be printed on soft paper so that it may be recycled in the appropriate manner
  13. The Civil Service will be extended to all branches of government, because a little politeness goes a long way.
  14. To increase Jobs and wealth to the people of Erdington. Once in power we will declare Erdington independent from Westminster and convert Erdington to an inshore Tax Haven.
  15. The British Museum should have a Daddy’s section alongside the current Mummy exhibition.
  16. In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months.
  17. To protect pets and people of a nervous disposition we would introduce silent fireworks.

Published on behalf of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party 59 New Barn Close, Fleet, Hants GU51 5HU