In his 3rd General Election campaign Mark Beech is standing in Aldridge-Brownhills, which came as somewhat a surprise to him after he had hand delivered 5,000 leaflets to the wrong constituency. Mark has already been frequently featured in the Express & Star newspaper despite not yet being elected, has taken part in a televised debate on Big Centre TV against Peter Johnson leader of the SDP despite not yet being party leader, and has built a duck house despite not yet being able to put it on expenses.
He as proposed a range of popular local polices such as
- the populist: “Banning all right turns, Especially at Shire Oak, and especially for trucks turning towards Brownhills and holding up all the traffic back as far as Lichfield.”
- the crazy: “Amending s13(2) of the Equality Act 2010 to close the gaping hole in our age discrimination legislation.”
- and the downright sensible: “Extradite Tony Blair to The Hague to face the international criminal court. Maybe send David Cameron along at the same time, better to be safe than sorry”
It is with deep regret that we have to learn of the passing of Peter Hinchliffe, Peter was a leading light in the Rochdale Loonies, he worked on a local newspaper and was a great help to us in the ‘Manchester Central’ By-election.
He attended three Conferences, Uttoxeter, Matlock and Wales, he will be missed in Blackpool this coming September. I’ve no doubt that Giles, The Doctor, and the rest of our Rochdale Gang will drink to his memory at this event, as we all will raise a glass in his memory. So long Peter, from us all, thanks for your friendship!
The Howling ‘Laud’
Mad Mike Young is standing for Sittingbourne and Sheppey. He has been on a local radio show, Sheppey FM and also took part in Hustings at Sheerness.
He got the first round of applause after a quiet start with the comment “I promise not to make any promises – that’s my promise to you”.
“I am aged sixty three and a quarter of your earth years, formerly a mad scientist and now a retired gentleman of some considerable standing. I want to bring a more unbalanced approach to local politics by putting both left feet forward and marching to the beat of a different kettle of fish.”
- We now have a solar farm on the Isle of Sheppey, but it is only productive during daylight hours. To complement this we should have a sustainable lunar farm to collect moonbeams at night for conversion into green cheese which could be sold at local farm shops.
- Wind turbine objections can be silenced by building them upside-down underground where they cannot be seen. The upturned concrete bases being ideal locations for children’s playgrounds as the roundabouts would be self-propelled.
I urge everybody to take leave of their senses and VOTE LOONY…!!!
- Banning inheritance tax and replacing with levies on zombie banks so we can continue to tax the dead.
- Doubling the beds in hospitals by putting in bunks.
- Bringing more young people into Fleet by opening a rock music and Playstation academy.
The Loony Party declare they are ready and willing to form a CoALEition with any other party especially the Scottish Nationalist Party as we share the same party colours, yellow and black.
Our ‘red line’ policy is that once in government we will reclassify Scotland as an ‘overseas territory’ and the right to vote to be removed from everyone except for English second-home owners.
Johnny Disco Loony party candidate for Wythenshawe & Sale East in Manchester. And Lord Cameron of Roundwood Loony party candidate for Northenden in the Manchester local elections. Having a pint of the delicious Howlin’ Gale by Wild Weather breweries in the Paramount Wetherspoons on Oxford Rd in Manchester’s city centre. If elected Johnny Disco has some big plans for Wythenshawe. He has promised to kick start the Wythenshawe Space Program by using Wythenshawe Airport (sometimes referred to as Manchester Airport) and has promised free travel on all buses and trams for musicians. In his spare time Johnny likes to follow the fortunes of Manchester City and Lord Cam supports Manchester United.
Both are united on one thing though. They both passionately believe that football grounds should have safe standing areas and fully support the call to legalise safe standing. Once a year a large group made up of Loonys and mates travels to Germany to watch some good old fashioned football on the terraces just like how it used to be. Usually watching one of Hamburg’s two teams. HSV or St Pauli.
Asked what he thought of the Howlin’ Gale today Johnny said, “It’s a very nutty brew!”