- Abolish Gravity with immediate effect.
- Make fishing a spectator sport by introducing piranha to the Trent.
- Develop Stoke-on-Trent Civic Centre into an intergalactic space port. with Trent Vale and Hanley being respectively arrival and departure lounges. This will massively increase tourism.
- I will promote Pottermus Hippo to leader of Stoke City Council.
- Have a good breakfast of oatcakes and a delicious lunch of lobby.
- Royal Stoke hospital needs more specialist departments. The Loonys would add good old-fashioned medical wards including: Mercury potions, Electrolysis, Leeching and Lobotomy. The Loony’s will balance the humors.
- If the Liberal candidate fails to be elected we will still send him to the House of Commons to perform exploraTory thoracotomies, this will reveal whether any governing MP’s have a heart.
- I will ensure that all European trains will be fuelled by Gravy.
- We will encourage international free trade with America by knighting the President during his state visit, with the ‘Order of the Coiffure’ and he will be known as Sir Comb-Over.
Fake News Warning
Beware of all other politicians they are faking their fake-news. I am the only true fakir of fake news, almost but not quite, a facetious factory of fakiry.
Have a radical re-think, and be strong like Pottermus the Hippo. Have a good breakfast of oatcakes and a delicious lunch of lobby. Vote Loony for an incredible sense of well-being. Go completely potty at the polling station and put your X on the ballot paper for The Official Monster Raving Loony Party. Vote for insanity, vote for The Incredible Flying Brick, VOTE LOOOONY! . . . You know it makes sense.
The Incredible Flying Brick