Once again, we came, we saw, and didn’t conquer, but good fun trying. The all indelible Nick the Flying Brick was my agent, as always. He travelled down from Derbyshire and teamed up with Tooting party member, The Luscious Helen Lucas, and got the nomination papers all correct and proper, ready for the big day!
I arrived in Tooting on Wednesday 8th and ‘The Long Room’ bar and hotel formerly ‘The Mitre’ became our party HQ, along with JJ Moons in the High Street. If I may say at this point, the whole election streetwise was very uninspiring, ‘Sheikh Mehand’ came across from Kent to do some canvassing with me on the Friday, and even he asked “where is everybody”. Only ourselves, Des Coke of the Christian Alliance and Dr Malik of the Immigrants party were ever seen out and about. Usually there is good banter between partys when we meet up, which makes these occasions good fun. Didn’t see a Blue, a Red, Lib Dem, Green, Ukip rosette anywhere, or any of these party members on the streets. In fact there were only two Campaign offices in town, Dr Malik and Labour. The usual thing is to visit them, introduce ourselves and wish them the best of luck, which once again makes for the feelgood factor. Dr Maliks office welcomed us with open arms, and made us fell very welcome. Not so, the Labour office, they told myself and the Sheikh to ‘P–s Off’, or at least one of their ‘Over Officious Opinionated Officers’ did. Accused us of standing against him, I did point out that he had it wrong way round and that he was standing against us! In a democratic election, people stand together, don’t they, he didn’t seem to think so. The local newspaper loved this story, I made sure it went in there!
The ‘Exquisite’ Yvonne Elwood came to visit a couple of days but the weather was dreadful which didn’t help towards the atmosphere. Also Lawd Lawson and O B Joyful put in an appearance. Thanks for their commitment, sorry about the lack of sunshine!
Thursday 16th June, my birthday and polling day. The count was held in Wandsworth, not in Tooting at all. We all met up in the ‘Spread Eagle’ a public house opposite the counting house, by now RU Seerius and Lady Helenback, OB and the Lawd, Chinners and Flying, myself and Yvonne were all suitably dressed for the occasion. Lady Linda Landers also turned up but had to return home because of a burst pipe, very upset she was too! We made our usual entrance amongst clapping and cheering, cameras were snapping, a lot of hand shaking. Unfortunately to add to the doom and gloom of the weather and the evening itself, was the tragedy of Jo Cox.
Nevertheless we managed to come 7th out of 14 candidates, only got 54 votes mind you. I was surprised to see the English Democrats back again, they vowed and declared never to stand again after we beat them in Eastleigh, and we beat them again this time too, just for good measure. All in all, another successful invasion into the Political World, more stories and anecdotes to remember, And thankyou to the odd 54 people who knew who to vote for!
AS A PARTING NOTE, we shall not be contesting the Batley and Spen By-election. The seat left vacant by the regrettable circumstances surrounding Jo Cox. RIP.
Howling ‘Laud Hope