Well the election propaganda is now on full steam. . . however if you are already sick to death with lies, deceit, and general political spin, go see a band. . . and here’s one that should not be missed playing at:
FRIDAY 3RD APRIL at Loony HQ, The Poyntz Arms, Molesey, the hillbilly hellfire of THE CURST SONS!!
This is Baron von Magpie Bum’s first foray into the world of politics, having found his spiritual home at the Official Monster Raving Loony Party 2014 conference. Von Magpie Bum is an ex punk rocker gone bad. He now amuses himself and others with Morris dancing and singing in a Welsh male voice choir. Generally not at the same time, or he falls over. The Baron is a South Wales man through and through, able to communicate in most of the local dialects, from Newport to Abertillery. The Baron is currently busy fund-raising for the £500 deposit to represent the Loony Party in the 2015 election. Follow him on Twitter @MagpieBum
These are his key policies:
- Put all parliamentary representatives on national minimum wage.
- Due to the fact that the letter K is often silent, it will be replaced with a honking sound.
- The use of stocks will be reintroduced to punish people who litter our beautiful Islwyn countryside. The offenders will thereafter be required to wear a pointy hat with the letter W on the front (similar to the old dunce’s hat). The W could stand for ‘Wastrel’ or whatever else people interpret it as.
- Unicorns will be declared a protected species, in line with the Official Monster Raving Loony Party Manicfesto
- Jobs for unemployed people will be generated by introducing traditional Welsh Pickled Onion farms to the Islwyn area
An online poll in the Daily Mirror today asked their readers to vote for which Co-ALE-ition ale they liked the best, the Loony Party’s Co-ALE-ition ale or the imitation bottled Co-ale-ition ale version produced by the Wychwood brewery for the Government earlier this week.
The results have just been announced and it was landslide victory for the Monster Raving Loony Party. The Loony Party’s Co-ale-ition ales will be available in pubs in every constituency, so could Co-ALE-ition now become a factor in the General Election vote?
Wychwood brewery now don’t know wychway to turn, David Cameron is considering giving away bottles of his Co-ale-ition ale to Food Banks in response to the probing questions from Jeremy Paxman two nights ago.
The prime minister handed out souvenir beers at the coalition’s final cabinet meeting. But we’ve seen that name before… It was the last cabinet meeting of the Tory–Lib-Dem coalition – so David Cameron handed out some celebratory beers.
Nick Blunderbuss Green is standing for Parliament for the first time. He is entering the fray in the ‘Kenilworth & Southam’ Constituency and is requesting support from local Loony’s to help him with his campaign.
His mobile number is 07967 298 670.
‘Monster Mash’ byThe Bigger Fibbers is being officially released on Wed 1st April at:
The Rhythm Factory, 16-18 Whitechapel Road, London E1 1EW
It starts at 8pm and there will be lots of music and surprises. ‘Howling Laud Hope (Leader of the Monster Raving Loony Party) will be in attendance and the Big Fibbers will be on stage performing Monster Mash live for the very first time. Everybody is welcome.
All candidates standing in General and Local elections – all papers must be in by 4pm Thurs 9th April, they will accept them as from Wed 1st April 9 days, but bear in mind that Fri 3rd, Sat, Sun and Mon 6th are Bank Holidays, so there are only five days to return them.
Try to go for April 1st or 2nd this will then give you plenty of time to rectify any mistakes.
These are our declared candidates so far . . .
- Howling Laud – Uxbridge and South Ruislip
- Johnny Disco – Wythenshaw and Sale East
- Peter E. Hill – Louth and Horncastle
- Flying Brick – Doncaster North
- Nicholas Robert Blunderbuss Green – Kenilworth and Southam
- The Dame Dixon – Hove and Portslade
- Colin Dale – Aylesbury
- Mark Beech – Aldridge and Brownhills
- Cardinal Point – Hampshire North East
- Iam Fooligan – Kingswood
- Ann Kelly – The Mid Bed Minx – Mid Bedfordshire
- Baron Barnes Von Claptrap – The Gower, South Wales.
- Monkey the Drummer – Kingston & Surbiton
- Alistaire De Voil – The Mad Hatter – Oxford
- Mad Mike Young – The Isle of Sheppey
- George Ridgeon – Gloucester
- R.U.Seerius – Sheffield Hallam
- Hairy Knorm – Faversham and Mid Kent
- Baron Von Magpie Bum – Islwyn, South Wales
- Albert ‘Mad Professor’ Ironstyne – Boswell, Leicester
- Howling Laud – Also standing in his home town of Fleet, Hampshire, for a District Council Seat, to go along with his Town Council one!
- Lord Cameron of Roundwood – Northenden Manchester – Local Council
- Baron Fullstop – Wickmanford Ward – Wychaven Dist Council, Worcestershire.
- Mr Gzunder – Hove, Brunskick and Aledaide Ward
- Sir Oink-a-Lot – Sharston, Manchester
- Martin Hogbin – Limpsfield Parish, Oxted, Surrey
- Flying Brick – Kirk Ireton Parish Council