Prospective Manicfesto for Prospective Voters

The A-Z of the OMRLP Manicfesto Just a sample of what you’d get by voting for insanity… …you know it makes sense! Vote now (well, on 7th May actually). Vote OMRLP!

A.AIR bags will be fitted to the Stock Exchange immediately, ready for the next crash.

B. BRITAIN will exit Europe and join the Duchy of Cornwall to benefit from tax exemptions.

C. CAPITAL Punishment will be opposed on the grounds that it is unfair to Londoners.

D. DATA will be secured, placed in a brown bag and hidden in the PM’s socks and pants drawer.

E. ENTRANCE fees to all amusement parks would be waived to those aged 80 and over.

F. FRIVOLOUS Fraud Office setup to inspect fraud too silly for the Serious Fraud Office.
G. GREYHOUND racing will be banned to prevent the country going to the dogs.

H. HALF the grey squirrels will be painted red to increase the red squirrel population.

I. INNOCENT prisoners will be released in order to reduce prison overcrowding.

J. JOBSEEKERS will be made to stand two abreast in order to halve dole queues.

K. KIDS will be made to sit closer together on smaller desks in to reduce school class sizes.

L. LONDON Marathon free to anyone finishing in sub-2 hours wearing large clown’s shoes.

M. MEGA carwash will be created by punching holes in the roof of the Channel Tunnel.

N. NATIONAL debt will be cleared by putting it all on our credit card.

O. OAPS will qualify for a Summer Ice Lolly Allowance if temperatures exceed 70 degrees.

P. PUDDLES deeper than 3 inches will be marked by a yellow plastic duck.

Q. QUITTERS will be encouraged not to start in the first place to improve their self esteem.

R. REGULATIONS concerning car boot sales will be relaxed to permit selling of all car parts.

S.STAMP duty will be cancelled as stamps are expensive enough without having to pay duty.

T.TERRORISTS will be made to wear Bells and Horns so we know where they are.

U.UNRULY teenagers will be superglued together as if you can’t beat them, join them.

V. VEHICLES will be fitted with bungy ropes in order to save fuel on the return journey.

W. WIND farms will be created nationwide, where breaking wind will be encouraged.

X. X-RAY machines will be manned by a skeleton staff.

Y. YELLOW lines will be painted where you can park instead of where you can’t to save money.

Z. ZEBRA crossings will be made permissible to all animals wishing to cross the road.

TV Debateable

Broadcasters have put forward new proposals for the TV election debates which would include the SNP, Plaid Cymru and the Greens. It comes after David Cameron refused to take part unless the Green Party was included.

However it seems we are not invited….Shame shame i hear you cry.

As a political party, a British tradition, and a political organisation who have been around longer than Ukip andThe Greens, we should be included, however we insist that our Colourful competitor Capt Beany… http://www.captainbeany.com/   who has stood in many elections and more to the point done more for charity than any of us, should also be included.captbeany

The Loony Party are now on the UK Sponsorship website

2015_0226_Sunday_Telegraph_18_JanAn OpporLoonity for Sponsor to go “Monster!”
Our sponsorship pitch to the nation was featured today on the Sunday Telegraph’s ninth page!
The Monster Raving Loony Party are now on the UKSponsorship website, press on this link to read the story and find our contact details:
>>www.uksposorship.com<<

More proposals

In keeping with the new “Snoopers Charter” now being discussed in Parliament – To help UK Spy agencies, all secret messages must start with the words “Shhh, don’t tell anyone”  (thanks to paul for this one)

TV Debates…Only minor parties to be included in leaders’ debates on grounds that the main parties are too boring.  (thanks to schplickt)

Ignorance is bliss: We will create the Department of Ignorance so that everyone is blissfully unaware (thanks to Baron Fullstop)

New proposals

We propose to cancel stamp duty…….stamps are expensive enough so we shouldn’t have to pay duty on them.

Besides leap years, there needs to be hop, skip, and jump years (thanks to Brassdancer)

Parliament will be relocated to Wormwood Scrubs, reducing the commuting costs for most Peers and MPs. (thanks to WolfBaginski)

General Election Year May 7th 2015

2015_0221_The_Times_TMSNow Christmas and the New Year is all over its time to think about this seriously, only 114 days away as I write! We are sorry to say that, at this precise moment in time, we are not in a position to say that we have a definite sponsorship to talk about. So if you are standing, you will have to consider self funding. On a smaller scale, right now if you started to get it together, you would need £31 per week for the 16 weeks to be in the clear. We have not given up ‘Hope’, our powers that be, are still working on sponsorship, but this is the worst scenario. I know that some have come forward and said “no problem I can manage without” but if we do pull it off, they can be included as well, if they wanted to be!
Please, please remember, you cannot stand for our party, or any other party for that matter, unless you get a properly signed nomination form from the party’s  Nomination Officer. His phone no is 07946292557.
You have time to think about this, because he is off to Malta this coming Thurs 15th Jan.
So he will be putting it all together as from Monday 16th Feb. If you should need to talk to somebody in his absence you can call Nick Delves on 07973324985 or 01335370038.
We’re looking forward to hearing from you.
Howling ‘Laud’

Lord Hannah of Pilcot

2015_0222_News_and_Mail_Martin_Hannah_14_JanI’m very sad to have to report the passing of ‘Lord Hannah of Pilcot’.
Martin Hannah had been a member of The Loony Party for many years, maybe some will remember him from the conferences that he attended in Jersey, Hook, and the two in Fleet. Martin was in fact a real Lord and sat on the Dogmersfield Parish Council as a member of our party. He owned a very palatial building in Dogmersfield, Hampshire, called ‘The Barracks’, so important to the area was this building that his front room was used as a polling station at every election. Martin was always the first to vote taking his 52 year old Teddy Bear with him. (Google :- Lord Hannah of Pilcot). Martin owned his own aeroplane and actually flew himself to the Jersey conference. Martin passed away in hospital on Wed 7th Jan after being admitted on Christmas Eve at the age of 56, no age at all. We are led to believe that he insisted on taking a bottle of Brandy and a glass along with him, purporting maybe, ‘this is the way I lived so this is the way I’ll die’, supposedly. A real stalwart until the end, so long Martin, thanks for the memories, a very good friend of us all.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope

Charlie hebdo

We send our condolences to the friends and relatives of the people hurt and killed in the terrorist attack in Paris this morning.

Although we admit we are nowhere as extreme in our comments we do acknowledge the right of all journalists and people to say what they think. Without this liberty and freedom we would not exist.jesuischarlie