Having just spent 10 days out in Lanzarote, I was very pleased to see that we had 12 candidates in the up and coming General Election on June 8th. Well done to all of you. Three or four found it a bit difficult, but never mind, next time. I had to rush to get my papers in on June 8th flying out the very next day, deadline being June 11th when I would have already been there.
I was invited over by Dick Knowles who runs the Monster Radio Show. He had arranged for a ‘Monster Radio Road Show’ to hit ‘Playa Honda’ Lanzarote on Friday 12 of May, to which I was the Guest of Honour. Dick is an old friend of ours who used to team up with Lord Sutch and myself whenever we were in Wales canvassing in the earlier years. His Loony name is ri-DICK-ulus Knowles. A good turn out, lots of ex-pats obviously, they loved it.
Thanks to Pete Tilby-Fowler for an excellent interview, Spencer Locke, Valerie Tellechea, Angie Brand and all the other staff for making a success of it. Not forgetting the El Berera Bar who looked after us.
Dick is now our loony liaison officer for the Canary Islands and Chairman of the Lanzarote branch. Also met up with ‘Tigger the Bulldog’ who owns the ‘Bulldog Bar’ in Costa Teguise. Which still has the plaque on the wall outside, from 8 years ago announcing that it’s the Canary Islands HQ.
So a warm welcome will be had by all, if you ever venture there.
Getting back to my original paragraph, the best of luck to all those standing. There will be a bottle of Champagne for the candidate with most votes, presented at this years conference in Blackpool, but you must be there to receive it !
More about Blackpool after the General Election.
The Howling ‘Laud’.
The Loony Party is preparing for Government – these are our candidates!
- The Howling ‘Laud – Maidenhead
- Nigel Knapp – Islington North
- Chinners – Kingston and Surbiton
- Baron Badger – Walton and Esher
- The Iconic Arty Pole – Louth and Horncastle
- The Good Knight Sir Nosdar – Aldridge and Brownhills
- Baron Von Thunderclap – Mid Sussex
- Mad Mike Young – Sittingbourne and Sheppey
- The Mid Bed Minx – Mid Bedforshire
- George Ridgeon – Gloucester
- Sir Dudley the Crazed – Ceredigeon Wales
- Farmin Lord Dave 1st of Haughton – Denton and Reddish
Our Mid Bed Minx is campaigning for Mid Bedfordshire and has had a great piece written about her in ‘The Comet’
The Incredible Flying Brick
In the event of the by-election in Gorton going ahead I promise that the Loony Party will fix all issues and problems in Gorton and surrounding area within my three weeks in Parliament. The Loony Party is calling for a “try before you buy” election and Gorton will be the first time this great idea will be tested.
Vote Vote Vote! #mpforaweek
Theresa May has today threatened to call an election for June 8th 2017.
I say threatened as she needs a vote in Parliament (which she will probably get)
Our Leader Alan Howlin Laud Hope has already issued a statement telling Loony Candidates to get ready for Government. . .
As usual we will be publishing our manicfesto shortly so we can all be reading from a different page. . . Candidates are asked to contact us asap if you are going to stand (only definite candidates required). This is our chance to get our first M.P in Parliament.
Don’t forget if you are in the “Gorton” Manchester area we still have our candidate “Johnny Disco” standing on 4th May.
By-elections are wonderful crazy things and always great fun to be a part of. Stoke-on-Trent was my tenth attempt on Parliament, and fourth by-election. I feel I’m really getting into the swing of things now and am starting to feel quite confident in my political message, what-ever that is!
My interview with Emma Thomas outside BBC Radio Stoke was aired on Sunday Politics with my policy of putting Piranha’s in the River Trent turning out to be very popular with the electorate.
It was great, as ever, to have our glorious party leader entrenched in Stoke and working his magic on the ‘Stokies’, newspapers, and other parties for the five days before the election. He is always ‘on message’ and was enthusiastically holding training workshops on how to generate a better quality of FAKE NEWS.
A magnificent troupe of Loonies met at ‘The Terrace’, City Road, Fenton. Howling Laud and Flying Brick were joined by RU Seerius, Helen ‘Bak, Leutenant Jâger Schnitzel, Karen, Sir Tax-A-Lot, & Lady Table Manners. The Inflatable Johnny Disco and the Indestructible Captain Chaplington-Smythe also lent support and guidance at the pub before returning to Manchester.
The count was a big event and had a great atmosphere, Paul Nuttall made a bee-line for our party leader and gave him a big hug, I believe this was in anticipation of a Loony victory. We mingled seamlessly with the other parties and candidates including Barbara Fielding, who has the aura of a lovely sweet lady, the antithesis of her message in fact. It was a pleasure to meet the Liberal candidate Dr Zulfiqar Ali, a real gentleman and far too intelligent to be involved in politics.
There was an exciting scrum at the end of the night when the election was declared. In a strange break with tradition the candidates weren’t invited to join the returning officer on stage. Instead we were swallowed up in a frenzied media circus around Paul Nuttall and the winner Gareth Snell who gave me a man-hug in the excitement! He then fought his way through teaming tangle of reporters to give a some-what drowned out speech.
I once again came seventh, in a field of ten and came ahead of the BNP.
The Incredible Flying Brick
What good fun the ‘Stoke on Trent’ By-election was, our candidate ‘The Incredible Flying Brick’ put on a marvellous show. I was there in support for five days, staying at the ‘Crown Hotel’ in Longton, where the staff made us more than welcome.
I was out campaigning as usual, in the usual way, making friends and spreading the word. Myself and ‘The Brick’ met up for a TV interview, which will be shown on a ‘Brexit’ show later on in the year, June time I believe. We also met up for a tour of the local pottery towns, we had fun, but alas the weather was against any serious shennanigans, although we were made very welcome at the Ukip HQ, and met up with other candidates who treated us with the greatest of respect. They had to, in case we beat them, and we did, three of them at least. Many thanks to the party members who turned for the count, if you’ve never been to one, you’ll never know what your missing.
Here’s looking forward to the next one!
There will be two or three later on in the year when MPs put themselves up for the Mayors job, lets hope some of them win, only then will it cause a by-election. Where ever, we shall be there, so watch out for us in your area, you never know!!
The Illustrious ‘Howling Laud’.
- Abolish Gravity with immediate effect.
- Make fishing a spectator sport by introducing piranha to the Trent.
- Develop Stoke-on-Trent Civic Centre into an intergalactic space port. with Trent Vale and Hanley being respectively arrival and departure lounges. This will massively increase tourism.
- I will promote Pottermus Hippo to leader of Stoke City Council.
- Have a good breakfast of oatcakes and a delicious lunch of lobby.
- Royal Stoke hospital needs more specialist departments. The Loonys would add good old-fashioned medical wards including: Mercury potions, Electrolysis, Leeching and Lobotomy. The Loony’s will balance the humors.
- If the Liberal candidate fails to be elected we will still send him to the House of Commons to perform exploraTory thoracotomies, this will reveal whether any governing MP’s have a heart.
- I will ensure that all European trains will be fuelled by Gravy.
- We will encourage international free trade with America by knighting the President during his state visit, with the ‘Order of the Coiffure’ and he will be known as Sir Comb-Over.
Fake News Warning
Beware of all other politicians they are faking their fake-news. I am the only true fakir of fake news, almost but not quite, a facetious factory of fakiry.
Have a radical re-think, and be strong like Pottermus the Hippo. Have a good breakfast of oatcakes and a delicious lunch of lobby. Vote Loony for an incredible sense of well-being. Go completely potty at the polling station and put your X on the ballot paper for The Official Monster Raving Loony Party. Vote for insanity, vote for The Incredible Flying Brick, VOTE LOOOONY! . . . You know it makes sense.
The Incredible Flying Brick
Our candidate ‘The Iconic Arty-Pole’ polled 16 more votes than Richmond but finished 7th from 10, upholding our tradition of not coming last.
Dr Caroline Johnson – Con – 17,570
Victoria Ailing – UKIP – 4,426
Ross Pepper – Lib Dem – 3,606
Jim Clarke – Labour – 3,363
Marianne Overton – Lincs Ind – 2,892
Sarah Stock – Ind – 462
The Iconic Arty Pole – Raving Loony – 200
Paul Coyne – ND – 184
Mark Suffield – ND – 74
David Bishop – Bus Pass Elvis Party – 55
I arrived in Sleaford on Sunday 4th Dec, and quickly toured the public meeting places. As usual I was greeted with:
“great to see you, it wouldn’t be a real by-election if you weren’t here.”
Monday was fun, my old friend Nigel Farage held a public meeting in the local Legionnaires Club, I was there and ended up on stage when he stated that there was another party leader in attendance.
Tuesday saw me on a radio chat show and rallying the voters. If everyone that said “we will vote Loony” did, we would win. Perhaps they did vote for the Loony, the real ones! Wednesday ‘The Iconic’ arrived. He had been campaigning in other areas and leaving Sleaford to me. We toured the area in the ‘Loony Battle Bus’ with loud-hailer on full charge, always making people smile. Both of us on radio, and filmed for the local TV news.
Thursday saw us leave our ‘digs’ in Sleaford, The Cherry Tree B&B, thanks to Pauline the landlady, a very nice place.
In actual fact, right next door was ‘The Marquis of Granby’ a public house that made us very welcome, allowing me to use it as party HQ. We moved on to North Hykeham where the count was taking place, and booked into ‘The Ibis’ hotel, where we met up with Nick ‘The Flying Brick’, R U Seerius and Lady Hell ‘n Back. After meeting and greeting, all off to the count, which was another great night with cameras snapping. ‘Arty-Pole’ loved it, playing up to every click he heard, not missing a trick. The new Ukip leader of 17 days Paul Nuttall, insisted on having his picture taken with Britain’s longest serving party leader of 17 years, the Howling ‘Laud’.
All in all a very good by-election, ‘The Iconic Arty-Pole’ did us proud, and likewise we are all very proud of him!
Roll on the next one!!!