This by-election was caused by mysterious disappearance of No. 10’s Cheshire Cat David Cameron. So who better to replace him than Alisdair De Voil from Oxford, ‘The Mad Hatter’, who shouted “this is my tea party”, checked his watch, and made a dash for the nomination.
Our party leader Howling Laud arrived in Witney to support him a couple of days before the election, and was caught up in a film about ‘Political Party Leaders of Great Britain.’
‘The Mad Hatter’, Howling and Mark Stokes, a party activist from Shrivenham, toured the constituency mostly talking in French when they couldn’t remember what they were meant to be saying in English and supping from bottles that said “drink me!”. They ended up in a very nice public house called The New Inn, where they did seven impossible things just before breakfast.
Congratulations to The Mad Hatter for increasing his vote by 100% and coming 8th out of 14 candidates. We always knew it would be a tough Constituency, but it seems we are catching up fast with the Greens and Ukip who despite all their media attention, still only have one more M.P than us.
The night of the Count saw the arrival of the party faithful, ‘Nick the Flying Brick’, RU Seerius, Lady Helenbak, Chinners, and local supporters, George, Tom & Jerry.
Back to our candidate, didn’t he do well, 129 votes, coming 8th out of fourteen, and a big round of applause for all his efforts was heard around the hall.
We all agreed afterwards that it was a great success, and we’re quite looking forward to whenever and wherever the next one may be. Once again plaudits to ‘The Mad Hatter’ he did us proud, and thanks to Julian Bones the landlord of The Old Court Hotel for all his help and everybody else who voted for us.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope
| Name of
|COURTS, Robert Alexander||The Conservative Party Candidate||17313
|LEFFMAN, Elizabeth Pendrill Raphael||Liberal Democrat||11611|
|ENRIGHT, Duncan Shaw Thomas||Labour Party||5765|
|SANDERS, Larry||Green Party||1363|
|BIRD, Kendrick Simon George commonly known as BIRD, Dickie||UKIP||1354|
|SALISBURY, Helen Rachel||National Health Action Party||433|
|SKIDMORE, Daniel James||Independent||151|
|DE VOIL, Alasdair Iain commonly known as HATTER, Mad||The Official Monster Raving Loony Party||129|
|WARD, Charles John Nicholas commonly known as WARD, Nicholas||Independent||93|
|BISHOP, David Laurence||Bus-Pass Elvis Party||61|
|JUG, Lord Toby||The Eccentric Party of Great Britain||59|
|MCKENZIE, Winston Truman||English Democrats – “Putting England First!”||52|
|ARNO, Emilia Rose||One Love Party||44|
|KNIGHT, Adam Digby||Independent||27|
In a hurried statement today ‘Nick the Flying Brick’ party Treasurer and Shadow Minister for the ‘Abolition of Gravity’ stated categorically that the ‘Official Monster Raving Loony Party’ have had no resignations and have no plans for a leadership contest.
Once again, we came, we saw, and didn’t conquer, but good fun trying. The all indelible Nick the Flying Brick was my agent, as always. He travelled down from Derbyshire and teamed up with Tooting party member, The Luscious Helen Lucas, and got the nomination papers all correct and proper, ready for the big day!
I arrived in Tooting on Wednesday 8th and ‘The Long Room’ bar and hotel formerly ‘The Mitre’ became our party HQ, along with JJ Moons in the High Street. If I may say at this point, the whole election streetwise was very uninspiring, ‘Sheikh Mehand’ came across from Kent to do some canvassing with me on the Friday, and even he asked “where is everybody”. Only ourselves, Des Coke of the Christian Alliance and Dr Malik of the Immigrants party were ever seen out and about. Usually there is good banter between partys when we meet up, which makes these occasions good fun. Didn’t see a Blue, a Red, Lib Dem, Green, Ukip rosette anywhere, or any of these party members on the streets. In fact there were only two Campaign offices in town, Dr Malik and Labour. The usual thing is to visit them, introduce ourselves and wish them the best of luck, which once again makes for the feelgood factor. Dr Maliks office welcomed us with open arms, and made us fell very welcome. Not so, the Labour office, they told myself and the Sheikh to ‘P–s Off’, or at least one of their ‘Over Officious Opinionated Officers’ did. Accused us of standing against him, I did point out that he had it wrong way round and that he was standing against us! In a democratic election, people stand together, don’t they, he didn’t seem to think so. The local newspaper loved this story, I made sure it went in there!
The ‘Exquisite’ Yvonne Elwood came to visit a couple of days but the weather was dreadful which didn’t help towards the atmosphere. Also Lawd Lawson and O B Joyful put in an appearance. Thanks for their commitment, sorry about the lack of sunshine!
Thursday 16th June, my birthday and polling day. The count was held in Wandsworth, not in Tooting at all. We all met up in the ‘Spread Eagle’ a public house opposite the counting house, by now RU Seerius and Lady Helenback, OB and the Lawd, Chinners and Flying, myself and Yvonne were all suitably dressed for the occasion. Lady Linda Landers also turned up but had to return home because of a burst pipe, very upset she was too! We made our usual entrance amongst clapping and cheering, cameras were snapping, a lot of hand shaking. Unfortunately to add to the doom and gloom of the weather and the evening itself, was the tragedy of Jo Cox.
Nevertheless we managed to come 7th out of 14 candidates, only got 54 votes mind you. I was surprised to see the English Democrats back again, they vowed and declared never to stand again after we beat them in Eastleigh, and we beat them again this time too, just for good measure. All in all, another successful invasion into the Political World, more stories and anecdotes to remember, And thankyou to the odd 54 people who knew who to vote for!
AS A PARTING NOTE, we shall not be contesting the Batley and Spen By-election. The seat left vacant by the regrettable circumstances surrounding Jo Cox. RIP.
Howling ‘Laud Hope
Report from South West Central
Our leader arrived in Cardiff on Sunday May1st, making our party known was not too hard, everybody was looking forward to us being there. On Tues 3rd he met up with our local loony supporter Paul Campbell, Paul had arranged for a Loony Victory Party to be held in Mischiefs Wine and Entertainment bar in Cardiff for the Wed evening.
On Wed he met with the Gower Loonies from West Wales, Baron Von Claptrap and Pete D’Lune, by now Lawd Lawson and O B Joyful had arrived from Hampshire, so a great afternoon was had by all.
A fine evening it was too, Paul being the main entertainer doing his Elvis impersonation which he is well known for in South Wales, and also his Captain Madness act with his Ska – Reggae – Two Tone variations. Surprise guest was Mr Badaxe himself who had travelled down from Nottingham just to go home again afterwards. And surprise, surprise he wasn’t banned like he is most places, his bawdy songs fell on appreciative ears. By now Baron Von Thunderclap and Stormin’ Norman had arrived from Sussex, Hugo Shovit and Von Magpie Bum from Newport, South East Wales and Arty Pole from Lincolnshire. Along with the locals we had a great time, thanks to Shaun and his manager David. On the day of the count, The Good Knight Sir Nos Da arrived from Birmingham and Toy Davies from Blackpool. We had a pretty good turn out being as we were standing in all five regional seats!
Well we didn’t win, but we got 1096 votes, came 9th from 13, beat the TUSC, Independent, Communist, and Freedom of choice party’s. The count was forecast to be declared by 4.30 – 5am, and yet it was not over till 11.00am, what a long night.
Well done to all in the South Wales Central ward for voting for us, and hard luck to those that didn’t, your fault when it all goes wrong, you’ll see!!!
The Howling ‘Laud’.
General synopsis of the Welsh Assembly Thursday 5th May 2016.
South Wales Central 1096 votes (0.5%), 9th from 13 beating the TUSC, Independent, Communist and Freedom of Choice party’s.
South Wales East 1115 votes (0.6%), 8th from 11 beating the TUSC, Welsh Communist and National Front.
South Wales West 1106 votes (0.7%), 8th from 10 beating the TUSC and Welsh Communist.
Wales Mid and West 1071 votes (0.5%), 10th from 12 beating the Local Independent and Welsh Communist.
Wales North 1355 votes (0.7%), 9th from 11 beating the Independent and Welsh Communist.
Jolly well done to all that took part, 5743 votes in all, wonderful result for us not coming last anywhere.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope
Alan Hope aka Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Hart District Hampshire.
Alasdaire de Voile aka The Mad Hatter – Carfax Ward Oxford.
5.55pm – BBC2 Wales
6.25pm – ITV Wales
6.55pm – BBC1 Wales
“If you don’t usually vote, vote unusually!”