Policy Proposals

Food safety policy

All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked

“May contain traces of real food”

All vegetables sold in supermarkets, should be clearly marked

“Strictly for oral use only”

Ed-Miliband

Fowl Weather policy

We propose the removal of funding for weather prediction as they seem to get it wrong most of the time anyway. This money would then be redirected into an extensive scientific research scheme to find out what actually came first, the chicken or the egg?

thanks to Professor Michelle ‘Humpty Dumpty’ Grove

Reverse bid stands up to scrutiny….

If the Government helped with finance, perhaps AstraZeneca should consider buying out Pfizer, then, as we would have the rights to Viagra, the economy may stay up longer.

Also perhaps we could then look at getting Boots the Chemist back into British ownership.

Top of the League

As there are now so many organisations creating league table’s to monitor performance of NHS, Schools, Police, Dustman etc, we in the Loony Party propose to create a League table to monitor compilers of League tables. Those who come at the bottom will be made to sit down and learn their tables (anyone remember them?)

Winter Olympic Sport

Many thanks to Martin for this one:
We propose to include: Shove ha’penny on ice as a Winter Olympic budget version of curling?

E.U Proposals

The options on the Referendum ballot on our membership of the EU to
read–
a) In
b) Out
c) Shake it all about

comparing meerkats

We will instruct the RSPCA to ensure that all meerkats come in twos to enable the public to effectively compare the meerkat.

many thanks to Phil

Saving Fuel

Saving Fuel – A bungy rope should be attached to all vehicles making a journey. No fuel would be required for the return journey.

eh-mails

Emails would be abolished. Instead, to reduce confusion, messages from men would be hemails, and from women shemails. (the only exception being blokes from Essex who would still send ’emails ).

in plane sight

For the convenience of aeroplane passengers the destination and time of arrival should be displayed on a notice attached to the sticking up bits at the end of the main wing, in letters large enough to be read by passengers looking out of the window. Should this information change during the course of the journey, the pilot will need to get out to update it.

many thanks to licker de fenêtre