Policy Proposals

Tuition fees

Well once again the main parties are stealing our election proposals. Today Ed Moribund has declared that they would reduce University Tuition fees to much media acclaim.
I didn’t notice the same amount of acclaim when we announced in our Manicfesto:
E. Education. All University Tuition fees for women would be free as we are strong believers in Female intuition. (Due to gender equality laws we would include males as well)

New proposals

We propose to cancel stamp duty…….stamps are expensive enough so we shouldn’t have to pay duty on them.

Besides leap years, there needs to be hop, skip, and jump years (thanks to Brassdancer)

Parliament will be relocated to Wormwood Scrubs, reducing the commuting costs for most Peers and MPs. (thanks to WolfBaginski)

Heritage refund

We will reduce the national debt by selling the castles back to the French. (Buyer dismantles)

Points make prizes

Tax payers to receive Nectar Points from HMRC

E.U Budget Adjustment and other news

We can confirm that the Loony party was not notified of the E.U budget demand of £1.7bn before George Osborne or David Cameron.
Also in the news the BBC in keeping with their policy of not important news coverage will be televising the incarceration of Oscar Pistorius 24 hours a day. Yes you can see the riveting instalments of Oscar sitting in a cell for 5 years. You can see Oscar walking around his cell and his special hour of Recreation. .Ping Pong  exclusives …..Don’t miss the Slopping Out Special Highlights.

Asda’s equality policy

The Loony Party being strong advocates of equal pay agree that the women workers of Asda should have equal pay with the men.
We have it on good authority that George Osborne also agrees with this, and to save needless court costs, has asked for the men’s wages to be reduced accordingly.

Recycled Policies

It is proposed that all, leaflets, brochures, circulars, manifestoes, posters etc, used by any Political Party during an election, be collected up recycled and given to the local Food Banks for free distribution as toilet paper.

Unicorns and free travel

We propose to make unicorns a protected species?

It is proposed to introduce free travel on trams and buses for musicians as they bring joy into people’s lives…. Obviously

Food safety policy

All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked

“May contain traces of real food”

All vegetables sold in supermarkets, should be clearly marked

“Strictly for oral use only”

Ed-Miliband

Fowl Weather policy

We propose the removal of funding for weather prediction as they seem to get it wrong most of the time anyway. This money would then be redirected into an extensive scientific research scheme to find out what actually came first, the chicken or the egg?

thanks to Professor Michelle ‘Humpty Dumpty’ Grove