Policy Proposals

E.U Budget Adjustment and other news

We can confirm that the Loony party was not notified of the E.U budget demand of £1.7bn before George Osborne or David Cameron.
Also in the news the BBC in keeping with their policy of not important news coverage will be televising the incarceration of Oscar Pistorius 24 hours a day. Yes you can see the riveting instalments of Oscar sitting in a cell for 5 years. You can see Oscar walking around his cell and his special hour of Recreation. .Ping Pong  exclusives …..Don’t miss the Slopping Out Special Highlights.

Asda’s equality policy

The Loony Party being strong advocates of equal pay agree that the women workers of Asda should have equal pay with the men.
We have it on good authority that George Osborne also agrees with this, and to save needless court costs, has asked for the men’s wages to be reduced accordingly.

Recycled Policies

It is proposed that all, leaflets, brochures, circulars, manifestoes, posters etc, used by any Political Party during an election, be collected up recycled and given to the local Food Banks for free distribution as toilet paper.

Unicorns and free travel

We propose to make unicorns a protected species?

It is proposed to introduce free travel on trams and buses for musicians as they bring joy into people’s lives…. Obviously

Food safety policy

All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked

“May contain traces of real food”

All vegetables sold in supermarkets, should be clearly marked

“Strictly for oral use only”

Ed-Miliband

Fowl Weather policy

We propose the removal of funding for weather prediction as they seem to get it wrong most of the time anyway. This money would then be redirected into an extensive scientific research scheme to find out what actually came first, the chicken or the egg?

thanks to Professor Michelle ‘Humpty Dumpty’ Grove

Reverse bid stands up to scrutiny….

If the Government helped with finance, perhaps AstraZeneca should consider buying out Pfizer, then, as we would have the rights to Viagra, the economy may stay up longer.

Also perhaps we could then look at getting Boots the Chemist back into British ownership.

Top of the League

As there are now so many organisations creating league table’s to monitor performance of NHS, Schools, Police, Dustman etc, we in the Loony Party propose to create a League table to monitor compilers of League tables. Those who come at the bottom will be made to sit down and learn their tables (anyone remember them?)

Winter Olympic Sport

Many thanks to Martin for this one:
We propose to include: Shove ha’penny on ice as a Winter Olympic budget version of curling?

E.U Proposals

The options on the Referendum ballot on our membership of the EU to
read–
a) In
b) Out
c) Shake it all about