Author Archives: R.U.Seerius

This is no lie..

There will be a by-election in Peterborough after 19,261 people signed a recall petition to remove the city’s MP Fiona Onasanya.

The Loony Party also had trouble recalling who she was, as she was out of her constituency for a while.
I can Confirm that we will be standing at the Peterborough By election. We have already whittled the candidate list down to 19,264… more news to follow.

r.u

Save the Environment

To help the environment our policy of fitting air conditioners on the outside of buildings has now been taken up….Another Loony Policy taken by others (not that we mind)

Marylebone in central London has some of the worst air pollution levels in the country due to its congested roads.
But the 60,000 commuters passing through the railway station every day will now breathe air that is 95% cleaner.

Four new filtering chambers have been fitted in the station to create clean air zones.
The units suck in dirty air at the top, which is passed through three big filters inside to remove particulate matter and nitrogen oxide from the air.

Foreign Policy

We will Admit Shamima Begum back to the country only when she accepts Screaming Lord Sutch as her saviour.

Ministry of Info

We will create a New Ministry of Information. It shall consist of the former board of directors of Cambridge Analytica. They already know everything.

Brexit Proposals

We will Send Noel Edmonds to negotiate Brexit because he understands Deal or No Deal.
There will be no need for a backstop to the Brexit negotiations. We’ll have Alec Stewart as wicket-keeper.
James Wallace

Dr Diablo in Blackpool

‘Dr Diablo and the Rodent show’.
If you’re near Blackpool on Saturday you should go and see them . . .

Ferry Contract

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party are applying for an HM Government ferry service contract.
Given we currently have two more vessels than Seaborne Freight, we expect the contract being awarded to us will be a mere formality.

Loony Party Conference 2018 in Derbyshire

The 34th Loony Party conference is being held in the wonderful town of Belper in Derbyshire, on Thurs 27th – Fri 28th – Sat 29th September. One of Belpers’ main claim to fame is that for its size and area it has the most public houses of anywhere in the UK. Honestly it was sheer coincidence that our weekend also coincides with Belpers CAMRA festival weekend What good fun, should be interesting.
The Conference is being held in the ‘George and Dragon’ 117 Bridge Street. I shall be in residence as from Thurs 20th holding Loony Party Surgeries on various evenings. The entertainment that we have lined up for you include Dale Rowles and The BB Black Dog Band, Gripper and the Gurnards, Gareth Icke (yes Davids son), Joe Jammer from Chicago, ‘Bad Axe‘, and Loony Party stalwarts The Big Fibbers. Also on Sat The Black Pig Border Morris will be performing at various venues in the town starting at The Old Kings Head, Day lane at 2 o/c.

Accommodation in Belper is filling up quickly so don’t hesitate any longer and get yourself booked in for the best fun loving Party Conference in the Looniverse.
Anyone looking for accommodation in Belper Call Sam at ‘Mirabelle B+B’: 07967 409 424
See you all there.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Party Leader.

Christina Bell R.I.P

We were very sad to hear that Christina Bell has passed away after a long illness.

R.I.P

Chrissy was a long time supporter of the Loony Party and will be missed.

Our thoughts go to all her friends and family at this difficult time.

r.u

Lewisham Manicfesto

Good People of Lewisham…..Voting is pretty simple really , ask yourself the question – Are you , your family and your neighborhood better off than it was the last time you voted . It was that great Loony, Albert Einstein that said “Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results” ??

We pledge to fight this By-election on an invisible platform so that people cannot see the floors in our policies.

Social Housing : We will continue to support and invest in our Public houses as they are the social meeting places in society. We will help to reduce binge drinking by allowing the pubs to open 36 hours a day.

We propose to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Chris. ?

We will redevelop Playgrounds in Lewisham for all age groups.

The Civil Service will be extended to all branches of government, because a little politeness goes a long way.?

Carrier bags will be replaced by the more environmentally friendly Pigeon. This will also allow the owner to partake in one of the UK’s long lost pastimes.

To increase Jobs and wealth to the people of Lewisham….Once in power we will declare Lewisham independent from Westminster and convert Lewisham to an inshore Tax Haven

The British Museum should have a Daddy’s section alongside the current Mummy exhibition.??

We will rename the current Oyster cards, ‘Sardine Cards’ to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport

We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park, this will save the UK thousands of pounds every day. Potholes deeper than 3 inches will be marked with a yellow plastic duck .??

All political and electoral leaflets will be printed on soft paper so that it may be recycled in the appropriate manner. ???

In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months ???

We propose to relocate the Lewisham to the countryside so that it’s residents can enjoy fresher air.??

To protect pets and people of a nervous disposition we would introduce silent fireworks .??

We will combat corruption in public life by taking part in it openly, we will also introduce the Board of Bribery who will set standardised rates?

Published by Mr R.U.Seerius on behalf of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party