Author Archives: R.U.Seerius

By-election for Evesham Town Council

Hot News from our special, special, chief, special, special, special, correspondent and candidate Barmy Lord Brockman
Due to an elected candidate being unable to take up their seat (May 2nd Local Council Elections) a by-election has been called for Evesham Town Council , (South Ward) 25/07/19.
Barmy Lord Brockman, who only failed by 8 votes to get elected in May, is once again  putting himself forward saying “Its only fair that people get a second chance to reject me or a second chance to put an Official Loony on the Council”.
Evesham South is a beautiful area blighted by abandoned trolleys from a local supermarket, I will combat this by attaching a bungee cord to all Morrison’s trolleys to facilitate a speedy return.
Many people would like to be able to vote for Non Of The Above on the ballot form, I’m afraid you can’t -but if you look at the ballot, you’ll see Barmy Lord Brockman at the top. My supporters have the option of voting for None Of The Below.”

A Message from Lily the Pink

Hellooo
Lady Lil here, I’ve been working hard to get the by-election campaign moving. . . I can tell you, its been a bit of a strain. . .
. . . but today I’m announcing the finalised Manicfesto for the B&R by-election

On Austerity:
1. To save money on office refurbishments for local MPs, it is proposed that office artwork, particularly cute photos will be taken with a phone camera and printed off at Boots chemist before blue tacking to the wall, invoices should be well under the £50 mark and therefore require no need to engage in complex and confusing accounting practices
2. The Welsh Assembly will be cut from 60 to 6 member and renamed the Welsh Ensemble
3. To save on ink, we will cut the number of letters in the alphabet, starting with N, H, S

On Equality:
1. In the interests of fairness and in alignment with Government, public sector workers will receive percentage increases received my MPS in previous year of austerity (10%) whilst MPs shall receive that of the nurses (1%)
2. Following the example of the Westminster bar – all bar tabs across the UK will be written off and everyone can start with a clean slate
3. All members of the public will be entitled to claim for anything that politicians claim for; as such everyone shall receive a free moat, trouser press and TV licence
On Brexit:
1. We will Send Noel Edmonds to negotiate Brexit because he understands Deal or No Deal.
2. There will be no need for a backstop to the Brexit negotiations; we’ll use Alec Stewart as wicket-keeper.
On Sport:
Man v Horse and Bog Snorkelling will be made Olympic sports
On Education;
All Schools would have a Jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras such as Desks, Books, paper, pens , etc
On Defence:
We will ensure the next defence secretary is Welsh and entrust them with dealing with any leeks
On Climate:
1. All MPS will be relieved of their trousers, which will be sewn together and inflated to plug the hole in the ozone layer
2. We will declare an immediate climate emergency and then provide everyone with a bobble hat so we can continue to pull the wool over their eyes
On Tax:
Tax evasion loopholes shall be made available to all people, with tax havens accessible to all on a timeshare basis
On Social Care:
“Meals on Wheels” services will be replaced. The new service proposes to serve the meals on plates.

Photo Credit : Pip Morison

Barmy Lord Brockman back on the campaign trail

Barmy Lord Brockman back on the campaign trail.
In the campaign to put an Official Loony on the Council, Evesham Town Council South Ward By-election 25/07/19, a meeting was held at a secret location under the protection of the elite forces of the Evesham Liberation Fronts (ELF) bridge building corp.
It was pointed out that at the election in May, Barmy Lord B came up 8 votes short of being elected and this weekend will be spent finding those 8 people and giving them a second chance to reject him – That’s democracy folks. Meanwhile a picture of RU and Helen cuz were better looking than Barmy Lord Brockman

This is no lie..

There will be a by-election in Peterborough after 19,261 people signed a recall petition to remove the city’s MP Fiona Onasanya.

The Loony Party also had trouble recalling who she was, as she was out of her constituency for a while.
I can Confirm that we will be standing at the Peterborough By election. We have already whittled the candidate list down to 19,264… more news to follow.

r.u

Save the Environment

To help the environment our policy of fitting air conditioners on the outside of buildings has now been taken up….Another Loony Policy taken by others (not that we mind)

Marylebone in central London has some of the worst air pollution levels in the country due to its congested roads.
But the 60,000 commuters passing through the railway station every day will now breathe air that is 95% cleaner.

Four new filtering chambers have been fitted in the station to create clean air zones.
The units suck in dirty air at the top, which is passed through three big filters inside to remove particulate matter and nitrogen oxide from the air.

Foreign Policy

We will Admit Shamima Begum back to the country only when she accepts Screaming Lord Sutch as her saviour.

Ministry of Info

We will create a New Ministry of Information. It shall consist of the former board of directors of Cambridge Analytica. They already know everything.

Brexit Proposals

We will Send Noel Edmonds to negotiate Brexit because he understands Deal or No Deal.
There will be no need for a backstop to the Brexit negotiations. We’ll have Alec Stewart as wicket-keeper.
James Wallace

Dr Diablo in Blackpool

‘Dr Diablo and the Rodent show’.
If you’re near Blackpool on Saturday you should go and see them . . .

Ferry Contract

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party are applying for an HM Government ferry service contract.
Given we currently have two more vessels than Seaborne Freight, we expect the contract being awarded to us will be a mere formality.