Author Archives: R.U.Seerius
The Official Monster Raving Loony Party are applying for an HM Government ferry service contract.
Given we currently have two more vessels than Seaborne Freight, we expect the contract being awarded to us will be a mere formality.
The 34th Loony Party conference is being held in the wonderful town of Belper in Derbyshire, on Thurs 27th – Fri 28th – Sat 29th September. One of Belpers’ main claim to fame is that for its size and area it has the most public houses of anywhere in the UK. Honestly it was sheer coincidence that our weekend also coincides with Belpers CAMRA festival weekend What good fun, should be interesting.
The Conference is being held in the ‘George and Dragon’ 117 Bridge Street. I shall be in residence as from Thurs 20th holding Loony Party Surgeries on various evenings. The entertainment that we have lined up for you include Dale Rowles and The BB Black Dog Band, Gripper and the Gurnards, Gareth Icke (yes Davids son), Joe Jammer from Chicago, ‘Bad Axe‘, and Loony Party stalwarts The Big Fibbers. Also on Sat The Black Pig Border Morris will be performing at various venues in the town starting at The Old Kings Head, Day lane at 2 o/c.
Accommodation in Belper is filling up quickly so don’t hesitate any longer and get yourself booked in for the best fun loving Party Conference in the Looniverse.
Anyone looking for accommodation in Belper Call Sam at ‘Mirabelle B+B’: 07967 409 424
See you all there.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Party Leader.
We were very sad to hear that Christina Bell has passed away after a long illness.
Chrissy was a long time supporter of the Loony Party and will be missed.
Our thoughts go to all her friends and family at this difficult time.
Good People of Lewisham…..Voting is pretty simple really , ask yourself the question – Are you , your family and your neighborhood better off than it was the last time you voted . It was that great Loony, Albert Einstein that said “Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results” ??
We pledge to fight this By-election on an invisible platform so that people cannot see the floors in our policies.
Social Housing : We will continue to support and invest in our Public houses as they are the social meeting places in society. We will help to reduce binge drinking by allowing the pubs to open 36 hours a day.
We propose to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Chris. ?
We will redevelop Playgrounds in Lewisham for all age groups.
The Civil Service will be extended to all branches of government, because a little politeness goes a long way.?
Carrier bags will be replaced by the more environmentally friendly Pigeon. This will also allow the owner to partake in one of the UK’s long lost pastimes.
To increase Jobs and wealth to the people of Lewisham….Once in power we will declare Lewisham independent from Westminster and convert Lewisham to an inshore Tax Haven
The British Museum should have a Daddy’s section alongside the current Mummy exhibition.??
We will rename the current Oyster cards, ‘Sardine Cards’ to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport
We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park, this will save the UK thousands of pounds every day. Potholes deeper than 3 inches will be marked with a yellow plastic duck .??
All political and electoral leaflets will be printed on soft paper so that it may be recycled in the appropriate manner. ???
In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months ???
We propose to relocate the Lewisham to the countryside so that it’s residents can enjoy fresher air.??
To protect pets and people of a nervous disposition we would introduce silent fireworks .??
We will combat corruption in public life by taking part in it openly, we will also introduce the Board of Bribery who will set standardised rates?
Published by Mr R.U.Seerius on behalf of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party
Memo to all Party Members or persons interested.
On Thursday the 3rd of May there will be local elections in your area. Whether they be Parish,Town, District or County, they are completely free of charge to stand, ie no deposit.
Its only Parliamentary elections that need £500 up front. To this end, if you are considering standing for ‘The Official Monster Raving Loony Party’ in your area, you can not just do it. You have to get a letter of authorisation from our nominations officer.
Papers are obtainable from your local Town Hall or Council offices. They have to be back in the Council Offices by 4.pm Friday 6th April. If your not sure of the procedure, your local office are duty bound to give you all the help that you would need. You can obtain your authorisation by calling our nomination office 07946292559, up until Sunday11th of March, after that call our second in command Nom office – 07973324985. So there is plenty of time, but the sooner the better, so that we can help you through also, if you’ve never stood before!
Greetings to you all from the Isles of Deliberation as the festive season approaches. I hope this finds everyone in fine fettle and ready to tackle the agonies of having to enjoy oneself by partaking of copious quantities of liquid refreshment and filling ones stomach with all sorts of fattening nourishment. I know – we’ve all got to play our part!!!
Unfortunately, this past conference fell on the dates that I was away leading an expedition across the “Levka Ori” – The White Mountains that run from North to South across the island of Crete. I do this in honour of all the brave servicemen who had to escape from the German forces during 1941. My father was one of them and out of his unit of 417 men only 14 escaped from Crete alive. Everyone I have taken across always says how they now appreciate the terrible hardships that those men had to endure. There are no trees, bushes, rivers or streams up there and you have to know how to find water and to survive such a harsh environment. This year the temperatures were above 40 degrees !!! The expeditions always end with a visit to the Allied War Cemetery at Souda Bay where some of my dad’s men rest in peace.
As an aside – The Official Monster Raving loony Party flag has flown from the highest peak there – over 8,000 feet. Bloody good it looked too.
Three weeks after getting home I was struck with a virus which just about saw me off – put me in a bed for 5 weeks – and unfortunately the quacks can still not diagnose what is the matter with me. Personally, I think it is just me becoming a geriatric loony – but the determination is as strong as it ever was so I am looking very forward to being with you in Belper next year. I may have to borrow Lord Sutch’s spare coffin but -I SHALL BE BACK!!
I am sure you will all join me in wishing our Leader the best of health himself now that he is all wired up with the latest machinery – Howl on Laud !!
Many congratulations to all those members who stood during the elections in all parts of the Realm during 2016 – you certainly did the PARTY PROUD. Plus returned deposits – whatever next? My thanks also to The Stalwart Manchester Branch who sent me a Christmas Card -it’s on my desk now.
So, may I wish you all a great loony Christmas and an even loonier New Year. Have a cracking time and we shall meet next september.
with fond wishes – and memories
The Jersey Flyer – Chairman.
LOONY ALERT IN NOTTINGHAMSHIRE
Did you know that the original bandit county of Nottinghamshire now has a branch? And not just the type of branch you find in Sherwood Forest.
Relatively new members Frankie Vacuum (the Helmeted Bard) and his trusty sidekick Colonel Col Soup have sent out a call to arms (and legs) for all Loony members to get in touch. We already have the stamp of approval of our glorious Leader the Howling Laud himself and the backing of infamous legend Mr Badaxe!
If you want to get involved then check out our branch Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/omrlpnotts/
Or contact the Helmeted Bard directly on firstname.lastname@example.org
Be part of the latest band of merry men and get involved!!
A big, happy birthday to our spiritual leader, and founder:
Screaming Lord Sutch
(10 November 1940 – 16 June 1999)
I think the Major of London is wonderful. He has brought in a new “T Charge” that will for £10.00 remove all toxicity from my car, whilst driving in London. Unfortunately once I go outside the London “T Charge” area my car will once again spew out toxic fumes..
and there’s more… If you have a car that’s toxic and your rich, on business or use a firm’s car , this expense can be claimed on your tax as a business expense. So in one stroke The major of London has deterred all those scumbag lowlife poor people who pay their own expenses and saved up to buy a (Government) recommended diesel or cheaper car, from entering the exclusive clean air of Central London. This will no doubt be rolled out across the country when other authorities realise they can add to their depleted coffers using this scam.
On a seerius point…. I think everyone applauds genuine efforts to clean up our air, but please don’t use dodgy air or too many vehicles to justify what is blatantly another tax on Vehicle Drivers.
Please note the opinions above are not necessarily loony party policy and should be taken with a pinch of salt (twice daily)
The 2017 Conference has just come to a close in Blackpool. This year it was held at Molloys in the town rather than Uncle Tom,s.
And a great time was had by all..The venue, slightly smaller than last year, was better suited to what we do. Although we had more people turn up than usual. Big thanks to all.
The Bands were once again brilliant, with surprise guest Joe Jammer doing an impromptu appearance.(Many Thanks Joe). The Boogie Woogie band on Fri playing a brilliant set, with Joe Jammer, Alan Hope and Chinners all doing some appearances.. A Big thankyou to all…..
Sat–the Bus Tour around Blackpool was well attended and the people of Blackpool reacted favourably, followed by our annual Cabinet Reshuffle….
Alan gave his usual stirring speech with appropriate praise for our election successes in 2017 (and there were many).
We headlined with The “amazing” Vince Ripper and the Rodent Show, and finishing off with Badaxe, who excelled himself (but he’s ok now) and got two ovations. (yes its true, and quite right too…)
Loads of people who don’t normally come to the Conference where there and Baron who was running the merchandise stall, has signed up many new members..(Big thanks to Baron for all his hard work.
Altogether a great success, and we look forward to next years conference….several places have already been mentioned.
pictures to come….
Note next years Conference dates are Thurs 27th Sept -Sat 29th Sept..Venue to be arranged but book those dates in your diary now…