Author Archives: R.U.Seerius

2017 General Election Manicfesto

We are to issue free beanie hats to all so when in government we can ‘pull the wool over everyone’s eyes’.

Brexit

  • To provide a Strong & Stable Government we will relocate Parliament to the Tower of London.
  • France will be required to return Brittany.
  • All Europeans to pay to use the English Channel, and all  Creme Anglais to be made in Britain.
  • Germany will have to pay for all treatment of German Measles, and Spain ditto for Spanish Flu.
  • Tactically we should start Brexit negotiations with a bluff induce, play for a freeze-out, refuse any rake-back and finish by buying the pot. (This will be achieved through an aggressive, sudden and massive bout of QE in the last week of the Brexit deal deadline.)

Taxation
Tax payers to receive Nectar Points from HMRC.

Nationalisation

  • The Loony Party will nationalise all other political parties . . . and when they don’t keep their manifesto promises they will be merged into Rainbow George’s ‘Rainbow Alliance’.
  • We will nationalise crime to make sure it doesn’t pay.

Religion

Atheism will be given charity status being a non-prophet organization. In the interests of health and safety all other theism’s will loose charity status and be regulated by their local authority.

Austerity
The alphabet will be reduced to 23 characters. This will start by cutting the letters N. H. and S.

Educational funding
All Schools would have a jumble sale, fête or other fundraising event at least twice a month to help raise funds for those little extras . . . such as desks, books, paper, pens etc.

Electoral Change

  • Voters will get a 30 day cooling off period, if you change your mind, didn’t like the result, or didn’t know what you were voting for, you can get your vote back.
  • Reduce the voting age to 16 (carried forward from our 1983 manicfesto) . . . (nicked by Labour)

Immigration policy
One in one out (carried forward from our 2015 manicfesto) . . . (nicked by UKIP)

Pensions or how to get the grey vote . . .
The Labour Party’s leadership are hoping to get one or two pensioners to vote for them so they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 . . . The Loony party of course will go far better and will buy several very large padlocks and some very heavy chains.

Defense
We shall replace the Trident defence system with a tuning fork.

Economy & Pensions
We will further complicate the UK tax system so that everyone can find a loophole, not just multi-national companies.

Environment

  • We will change the English symbol of three lions to three badgers. How often do you see lions running round the countryside?
  • All food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked “may contain traces of real food”

Social Media
Social Media sites to be taken down annually for a ‘recall how to talk day’

Transport

  • We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park.
  • Potholes deeper than three inches will be marked with a yellow plastic duck.
  • We will rename the current ‘Oyster’ travel cards, to ‘Sardine’ to truly reflect the experience when traveling on public transport.
  • British Airways will be given an abacus and some post-it notepaper to replace its computer systems.

more nicking Policies

Is there no end to this plagerism?…
Labour’s leaked manfesto includes reducing the voting age to 16… One of our policies from the past, 1983 I think… Not so Loony now are we?
r.u.seerius

Nicking our policies

Nicking our policies…
It seems to be a trend at the moment for other parties to nick other parties policies.. The Tories have nicked Labours Energy cap policy,but wait, Ukip have just nicked our Immigration policy, of one in and one out (our 2010 manicfesto) and Labour have nicked our policy of getting the energy companies to charge normal or lower prices to people who pay their bill on an electric card bought from their local shop (our 2005 manicfesto).
What ever happened to copyright laws…
r.u.seerius

Educational Funding

The Loony Party proposes that all Schools would have a Jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras. . . such as Desks, Books, paper, pens , etc
R.U. Seerius

St George’s Day

Jeremy Corbyn has brought out a new policy that if they win the next election, St Georges day would be a National Holiday.
The Loony party would like to point out that this is a policy that we proposed many years ago. . . If we ruled you would already be having a day off today (St Georges was on Sunday this year). Once again the other parties are using our policies, many years after we proposed them. . . this happens all the time. . .

The conclusion is clear, vote loony for yesterdays policies . . . tomorrow.
R.U. Seerius

General Election June 8th

Theresa May has today threatened to call an election for June 8th 2017.
I say threatened as she needs a vote in Parliament (which she will probably get)
Our Leader Alan Howlin Laud Hope has already issued a statement telling Loony Candidates to get ready for Government. . .2017_0654_Fenton_Manor_Sports_Complex_23_Feb

As usual we will be publishing our manicfesto shortly so we can all be reading from a different page. . . Candidates are asked to contact us asap if you are going to stand (only definite candidates required). This is our chance to get our first M.P in Parliament.
Don’t forget if you are in the “Gorton” Manchester area we still have our candidate “Johnny Disco” standing on 4th May.
R.U. Seerius

Pensions – triple lock

In keeping with the Labour Party’s latest bid to get one or two pensioners to vote for them they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 if they get voted in.
The Loony party of course will go one better and buy a padlock, and as its now safer than a bank,  new mattresses for all pensioners on less than 20p per week.
R.U. Seerius

Westminster Attack

We would like to express our condolences to all the families, friends and relatives of any person caught up in the terrible events of last Wednesday.
r.u.seerius

Become and M.P until you get a better job

It seems to us that if someone is elected as an M.P they should (with the exception of illness or death) remain in their post until the next general election.
The costs to the local ratepayers and taxpayers of running an election runs into thousands of pounds, and is a waste of money, which could be better used on local facilities, health etc..
Just this year 2 M.P’s have resigned their posts in search of a 
better job.
Labour M.P Jamie Reed announced last month he was standing down as MP for Copeland to take up a post at the Sellafield nuclear plant, and now Labour MP Tristram Hunt is quitting as an MP to become the director of London‘s Victoria and Albert Museum, triggering a by-election.
No doubt all M.P’s state when they win that they are committed to working as an M.P for all the people in thier constituency, but they don’t mention….just until I get a better Job
r.u.seerius

Two By-elections

A busy December looming with two By-elections.

Richmond Park

2016_Howling_RichmondThe first being in Richmond Park, Middlesex, the seat vacated by Zac Goldsmith, only to put himself up again. A bit of egoism here one would think. He was against the 3rd runway at Heathrow. This election will be on Thurs Dec 1st, our candidate is none other than our party leader, Howling ‘Laud’ Hope.

He will be campaigning in Richmond, taking up residence as from Sunday 27th Nov til Fri 2nd Dec. His Party HQ is at ‘The Hope’ public house, 115-117 Kew Road Richmond TW9 2PN.

There will be a ‘Victory Party’ on Wed, the night before in ‘The Triple Crown’ 15 Kew Foot Rd, Richmond TW9 2SS, all the other candidates will be invited, Zac Goldsmith cant wait, apparently. See y’all there, it will be good fun!

Sleaford, Lincolnshire

2016_8483_The_Iconic_Arty_Pole_10_NovThe second being in Sleaford, Lincolnshire, a seat vacated by Stephen Phillips. He wouldn’t toe the party line on ‘Teresa Mays’ Brexit arrangements. So our ever popular, Sir Arty Pole will be our candidate. He lives in the constituency next door, is very well known in the area, and could, (will) rather, pull of a surprise result. Election date being Thurs 8th Dec. The Howling ‘Laud’ will be in Sleaford as from the Sun 4th til Fri 9th Dec in support. Once again, see y’all there, for some more fun !

Anybody who wants to join in, be of help, at either of these elections, or just be there and meet us, are most welcome.

His Laudship.