Gas Emission Collection Plan
The MRL Global Warming Cow Gas Emission Collection Plan.
Well now, global warming is a global problem which we must now turn our attention to.Meet the world's top destroyer of the environment. It is not the car, or the plane,or even George Bush,: it is the cow.
A United Nations report has identified the world's rapidly growing herds of cattle as the greatest threat to the climate, forests and wildlife. And they are blamed for a host of other environmental crimes, from acid rain to the introduction of alien species, from producing deserts to creating dead zones in the oceans, from poisoning rivers and drinking water to destroying coral reefs, and also..............global warming.Cows and bulls can produce 500 litres of methane a day.
Here I stand, out in a field in Devonshire,as she stares at me she is constantly chewing... and burping .........and.............farting.One dairy cow gives off enough methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 empty litre bottles of pop, which is really bad for the environment. It turns out that livestock – predominantly cattle – are responsible for an astonishing proportion of global warming gases - 18 percent of the total, to be precise.Indeed these fart gases rise in the atmos and hence are proveably responsible for the ever increasing great hole in the ozone layer.
A single cow could be producing as much as 500 litres of methane per day.
There are more than two million more like her across the UK.
They are the UK's biggest single source of methane - a gas 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide when it comes to global warming.
In fact cattle are responsible for about 3% of all Britain's greenhouse gases. Reduce that and experts say you not only make farming greener and more efficient, it could help Britain achieve its commitments under the Kyoto agreement.But who are the major moral culprits in the events of cows and global warming.......
What countries have the most cattle?Here they are in order of the top ten.
1 India
2 Brazil
3 China
4 US
5 Argentina
6 Sudan
7 Ethiopia
8 Mexico
9 Russian Federation
10 Colombia
Indeed none of these nations can say,."Haven't got a cow man!",as it is time to lay the blame. No indeed, they have cows, and lots of'em, and are the major cause of the problems affecting the world,the problems of global warming. But enough of the cause of global warming, are there then solutions to the problem....................well................
Argentine scientists are studying the effects of global warming by strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their gas.
Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of methane, a powerful greenhouse gas that gets far less attention than carbon dioxide as a potential cause of global warming.
So to collect it a plastic tank is fitted to the cow's back and connected through a tube to the animal's stomach.
Aha! Wisdom prevails, but not in the Argentinians.Indeed they are studying the problem, collecting gases to study the problem. Little do they realize that that is the actual solution ot the problem...the have abslutely no hindsight in the forsight of their studies...indeed fitting each and every cow with such a gas collector, collecting both belches, and farts..............would save humanity!!!
Oh the humanity of it! Fields of cows,cows running about the world,etc etc etc, fitted with these gas bag collecting tanks.Not to study but to actually collect,to gather, to bottle. Said tanks could thence be emptied, trucks coming about on a daily basis to collect the methane gas, and then that gas being bottled and condensed, and hence use in place of such gases as propaNE, an offspring of.......oil. Indeed this collected gas could be storage tanked and
thence used as cooking gas for homes, heating gas for homes,homes could be lit by it!!
Indeed the mind boggles, said gas could also have applications in being burned to provide gas fuels for motor cars,lorries and buses. Indeed once more we in the MRL have excelled, identified the problem, and applied a technlogicaly engineered cure for the betterment of humanity whilst at the same time ending the most massive contributer to the global warming crisis.The world is saved!! By the MRL!!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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