news 17/09/08 - 31/12/08
We leave 2008 with this:
While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.
So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the PM.
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown.
"I'm sorry .. But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down...all the way to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.
The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there ..
Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.
They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, Gord!"
"Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly.
"This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!"
Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime promises.
They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it'stime to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.
So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank orshort-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special!
"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me for this!"
The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity."
With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.
The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate.
He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder.” I don't understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"
6/12/08 Membership packs
If anyone has sent for a new membership pack, we apologise for the delay. Unfortunately we have been messed about bigtime by our supplier of rosettes. Please bear with us. Your membership is important and we will get it to you asap
4/12/08 Not PC christmas gifts
We have been sent in a couple of ideas for those gentlemen who dont know what to buy their wives/girlfriends for christmas.
For the computer literate 
Handy womens toolkit
3/12/08 Disgruntled voter.
Sir,
It seems that by following the Governments example of being prudent, people including myself are being penalised.
I, who have worked very hard to put some money aside and save, did not go on holidays, or buy goods on credit cards and did not build up large debts. I have put money aside for a rainy day so that in the event of losing my job I can still pay my mortgage and bills
I invested some money in a few shares and government savings.
I now find that my shares are worthless, (I invested in Banks) and due to the current financial crisis my return on my savings is greatly reduced. (Interest rates have dropped). I would not be able to claim benefits because I have assets (My house).
To make matters worse people who have got into debt are now being bailed out, by the taxpayer. Me
And I will be paying for other people’s irresponsibility via my tax for years to come.
From now on I’ll be voting Loony, not sensible.
25/11/08 Healthy Drinking
Health Matters: show by example.
To stop young people's excessive drinking and having a good time the politicians should convert all their 30 or 40 bars at Westminster into milk bars. Their restaurants should be converted into salad bars to show solidarity with school children, how to improve their health and fitness.
24/11/08 Charity Gig
The legendary Button Mushrooms will be performing their annual Christmas Charity bash on Friday 19th December 2008 at Abbey Moor Golf club, Green Lane, Addlestone, Surrey, KT15 2XU. The evenings entertainment will begin at 7.30 and all the £5 entrance fee's will be going to the Children's Hospice, South West.
Also performing are GRAVITY IS DEAD, DUVET & VINCENZO-KING OF THE SAND DUNES
18/11/08 More proposals.
Peace Plan
To help the israel/palestine problems, we should get rid of the old fashioned road map, and give them a sat nav instead. (This one from Lord Helpus)To help the israel/palestine problems, we should get rid of the old fashioned road map, and give them a sat nav instead. (This one from Lord Helpus)
Balanced View
All politicians should be made to stand continually on one leg while making speeches to check how balanced their arguments are. It should also reduce political flatulence and soothe the listeners ears (This proposal from Lookman)
TV Times
One day each week should be devoted to continual party political broadcasts so the rest of us can have a good time away from Big Brother, house renovation programmes and EastEnders. Those people who are so boring to want to watch the politicians should vote for the best broadcast. That way the OMRLP can get top ratings.
(And this proposal from Lookman)
13/11/08 Competition to win this book .jpg)
4/11/08 America Votes for change
America has now voted in the next President. On a ticket of Change for the USA, and with the economy in the state it is loose change would probably be more accurate. Barak Obama has won a convincing vote. One thing is for sure ..compared to USA politics our elections are dull and drab. Perhaps now the British public will demand a more fun and colourful politics, which the loony party have been trying to do for years. Our time is coming.
24/10/08 Ticket to Ryde
Alan "Howlin Laud" Hope made a flying visit to the Isle of Wight this week as a booster in response to Gordon Brown proposed visit to the Glenrothes constituency.
Although we have no one standing in this by-election, Alan decided to set an example and campaign ahead of the general election.
The flying visit came as a result of Alan falling off the Ryde Pier, but a spokesman commented "all was well as it was high tide, and as usual Alan made a big Splash.
His tour included a stay in Sandown, and a visit to Ventnor. For those who dont know, Ventnor is built mainly on the side of a very steep range of cliffs. Alan is reported to have commented that "Ventnor was a bit like political life, easy to go down but a struggle to get up especially when you've had a few". (we were not sure what he meant by that but believe he was referring to a previous Liberal leader) He also gave an interveiw to The Isle of Wight County press (local paper). Come back soon Alan.
22/10/08 The OMRLP solves Britains Foreign generated Financial Crisis
Complete this well known riddle
If I asked you for money as I was broke because I lent my money to people who have no chance of paying it back, and as a result got into financial problems, you would quite rightly call me an idiot and tell me to cut down my expenditure, be prudent and get lost. You certainly would be unlikely to give me loads of money to carry on. If you did people would call you a ...................
We have received a report from Secret Squirrel who has found a way to sort out the financial Crisis. You can read his report here.
22/10/08 Being British 
We in the Loony party often harp on about the fact that Britain is the best country in the world, and the British are the best people in the world, but we do have our faults. Here are a few of them:
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on
Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
9/10/08 Loony Party Donates to its members.
Some time ago when our HQ was held in a public house in Yately to help combat irresponsible abuse of alcohol we created the Loony Party Happy Hour. Pay for two drinks ...get one.... Once again we lead the way, this time with regard to donations. No more trips to the Ritz or large brown evelopes, we and only we are leading the fight against sleaze, and backhanders to politicians.
In these topsy turvey economic times, when most political parties are up to their neck in debt, we in the loony party are pleased to announce we are solvent. Not rich, but solvent. So we are going to donate to some of our members in the form of free advertising space on this website. As far as we know this is the first time a political party has donated to its members, instead of the other way round. A loony Party first.
So we ask all readers of this website, and all members to support our advertisers. You know it makes sense.
If you are a member and run a small business contact the webmaster for details.
We already have 2 listed so have a look and support our members. Click here for our Business Link page.
1/10/08 More Proposals.
These from Cameron: Cool on the outside:
To combat global warming and climate change all buildings should be fitted with air conditioning units on the outside.
Wheelie Bins:
The idea of weight monitoring chips in wheelie bins should be scrapped, instead the wheels should be removed, this would mean that if people generated too much waist they could not put their non-wheelie bin out for collection. It would also help prevent them being chucked into canals.
29/08/08 Party Conference 2008.
Well, the Conference is over for another year and a great time was had by all, with a very good spread on the Politics show. We would like to thank everyone who came, and a special thanks to all the bands.
A full report with pics posted here CLICK HERE
As we have a large number of members who are in or are ex forces a special mention here to supportourtroops.co.uk. who came and set up stall.
17/09/08 Financial Crisis
Obviously the Loony Party Financial policy of Buy Low, Sell High has been ignored yet again. We all face an uncertain financial future which has been created by the banks, and as usual no doubt, we the taxpayer will be bailing them out. No doubt the directors will be volunteering to have their massive wages cut. In normal practice if we dont do a good job, we get sacked. Big bosses get bonuses, golden handshakes and bailed out (and the occassional Knighthood). With the situation regarding HBos shares dropping by 75%+ over the last few months, and with the takeover by LloydsTsb today, one wonders if the Halifax 
will still be giving us a little extra? or as is normally the case when banks get into trouble, making sure we pay as much as possible via charges and fees to get them out of trouble. Not to mention the loss of jobs for the employees of Hbos? Anyone seen Howard lately?
Another concern in all this is that the government has said it will overrule any concerns that competition authorities may raise regarding this takeover. This leads me to the question why do taxpayers pay for competition authorities if the Government ignore and override them?
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