I was honoured and humbled to be asked by our leader to represent the party. On Wednesday 3rd November polling day was confirmed for Thursday 2nd December with nominations closing on Tuesday 9th November. I had taken my eye off the ball and didn’t know until the Saturday. I was unable to do anything over the weekend so my task was to visit Bexley Civic Offices first thing Monday. I had to collect the paperwork, find ten subscribers for their signatures, fill in the nomination papers, and hand them in for submission.
Howling had put me in touch with Brexit Party’s Alan Cook who he had met at the Peterborough By-election. He has extensive family and social connections in Sidcup and, with his brother Mark, escorted me to the addresses of registered voters. That was a fantastic help. My nomination was accepted late that afternoon and I returned home to Kent.
That evening I received the shock news that one of my subscribers was disqualified as being of foreign birth. All of us had failed to spot this. Rushing back to Sidcup on deadline day I collected Alan Cook’s father for his signature at the Civic Offices. All was then well and to celebrate we visited Wetherspoon’s The Furze Wren.
Tiernan Douieb is an award winning stand-up comedian, or at least he was until the coronavirus made that less fun to do. He’s also a writer, podcaster, actor, very amateur juggler (he can catch one ball), noodle fan, experienced sigher, and very tired dad. He was also one of the first people to lend support and participate in our original lockdown series of Twitter games, #LoonyLotto?
He has performed all over the world in most of the best comedy clubs and theatres and also several of the worst ones. Tiernan is the regular host, writer and everything for the Partly Political Broadcast, a comedy politics podcast that was one of The Observer’s Top Ten Political Podcasts of 2018. He also co-runs Comedy Club 4 Kids, shouting jokes at other people’s children mainly because his own daughter is a much tougher audience. We believe this experience will aid him with his duties in the the Westminster Comedy Club once the MP & voting age gets reduced to five years.?
Tiernan has written for TV, articles, podcasts, adverts, other comedians. He has also written a variety of angry but creative post-it notes on the van parked right outside his flat, that’s been there for ages, and is doing his head in. He has also done some of that acting, including in C4’s Fresh Meat and a beer commercial for beer that he’s never actually enjoyed. He once saw a squirrel eating a Cornetto like a human which is up there in his top five life moments along with now being our OFFICIAL Minister for Cheery Pessimism.?
There are six wards on Evesham Town Council. My plan is to be the first candidate not to be elected to any of them. I took a step nearer to fruition on Thursday the 28th October when 43 votes saw me rejected by the Twyford Ward voters in the Evesham Town Council By-election.
The Conservative candidate in the Avon ward got 28 votes and was trying to win, so a Loony not trying to win getting 43 makes you realise just how Loony politricks is.
Twyford now joins Evesham South and Great Hampton as wards ticked off – Avon, Bengeworth and Little Hampton to go.
Peace, Love, Rock ‘n’ Roll
Barmy Lord B
Howling Laud is the longest serving leader of any British political party. An event to celebrate this achievement took place on Friday 15th October at The Turtles Head Inn, Brighton Hill which is the smallest pub in Hampshire. It was hosted by Andy, the landlord and owner. It was full to capacity with five customers allowed inside plus Jerry, a regular, with his own permanently reserved bar stool.
Howling was accompanied by three Monster Raving Loony Party supporters, Lord Lawson of Karoo, Oh Be Joyful and Diamond Dave the Party’s Spin Doctor plus the Party’s chauffeur.
A special celebration beer for the event was brewed by Andy Parker, owner and head brewer of Elusive Brewing, a micro brewery in Finchampstead. The beer was named “Two Little Ducks”, which is bingo for twenty two.
We are delighted to announce that we have finally got round to appointing our new Minister of Confessions. This is a particularly busy role in the lead up to Christmas as many former Prime Ministers, MP’s & Cabinet Advisors reveal details of their sordid antics to push sales of their latest books and diaries.
There was only one person who we deemed qualified enough to fulfil this demanding role and the party now welcomes the glorious king of confessions, Lord Robin Askwith, to the party that puts the party into party politics.
Our 37th conference was held in the lovely town of Louth in Lincolnshire. It should have been our 38th as last year was cancelled. We held our promise to our Lincolnshire friends that we would be there this year and we were.
I stayed at The Pack Horse and spent my days wandering around Louth promoting our event. I did a couple of ‘Pod Casts’ and ‘Radio Interviews’. Loony’s started to arrive on Thursday night and we all had a ‘meet and greet’ in town.
Many more arrived on Friday and we filled all the hotels and guest houses in town.
We were at the ‘Cobbles Bar’ on Friday night and after a few hugs and “hello’s” and “its great to see you again”, we got under way with a very entertaining local belly dancing team called ‘The Arabian Delights’. They were followed by ‘The Faux Fibbers’, and ‘The Stantons’ featuring ‘Gilly’, a last minute fill in, well done boys. And of course ‘Mr Badaxe’!
‘Ben Young’ the Landlord had some special beer brewed for us called ‘Loony Party Loitering in Louth’, it was very popular.
Saturday started at 12 noon with our usual town pub crawl, which got very quickly named ‘Loony’s Lurking in Louth’, but not without an early session of belly dancing from our ladies.
We started at ‘Bens Bar’, then ‘The Kings Head’ and then ‘The Joseph Morton’, Wetherspoon, where we met up with the Wetherspoon photographer in readiness for a photo and story in the Winter edition of their magazine. The current edition of the Wetherspoons magazine featured our conference in Louth on page 101!
After the ‘Joseph Morton’ we moved on to ‘The Pack Horse’, ‘The Consortium’, then back to ‘Cobbles’.
The Consortium is only a very small micro brewery pub, we now hold the record for cramming the most customers in at once.
During that afternoon we held our annual ‘Cabinet Reshuffle’ much to the delight of the people in the market square. Yes we found an old bedroom cabinet. The great significance of that shuffle was that ‘Barmy Lord Brockman’ shuffled his way out and became our newly elected Vice Chairman.
Unfortunately our chairman ‘The Jersey Flyer’ was unable to be with us although he did have a consecutive mini conference in Jersey for our ‘Isles of Deliberation’ members.
Later in the afternoon came the ‘Party Leaders Speech’, thanking all who had stood in various elections, and all who had kept the party up and running through recent times. Plus congratulating our six elected town councillors. All this was followed by a ‘Loony Party Question Time’ chaired by Stephen Carlton-Woods a TV presenter who was working in conjunction with the documentary crew, what great fun that was!
Our evening session took place at ‘My Fathers Moustache’ with The Faux Fibbers as our opening act and then the much awaited ‘Dr Diablo and the Rodent’ show. As good and as loud as ever, the show is so clever that its worth the extra noise.
It was a great success, thank you to our Lincs Loony’s, who are Arty Pole, Badger and Sarah Mad Cow. Plus, of course, Ben Young for his never ending support. Thank you to Julie at the Pack Horse, and Sharon at the Kings Head, for looking after us and all the lovely people of Louth, for joining in and making us very welcome.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Loony Party Leader.