Two Islington Election Counts

Lord Sandy’s of Bunhill and Nick the Incredible Flying Brick stood respectively in Islington South and North.

Lord Sandy’s spent the election campaign listening to voters, pundits and to other candidates and heard a great deal of utter rubbish. Opinions on everything from Brexit to bins, mostly ill informed and rarely grounded in fact. The Flying Brick spent most of his campaign talking to sheep in Derbyshire.

Both candidates finally met for the first time the Round Square Chinese Restaurant on Thursday night where they walked to their jointly held count taking place at The Sobell Leisure Centre. The walk, although short, took some time due to the impracticable nature of the candidates’ footwear. Lord Sandy’s wore a pair of pink thigh high boots while the Flying Brick sported his pair of yellow Moroccan slippers.

Also present were RU Seerius, Lady Helen’bak, Lord and Lady Tourettes (aka Sir Tax-a-Lot), Lady Table Manners, The Fragrant Mary, and an assortment of ne’er do wells and misfits from the southern constituency.

There was a somber atmosphere at the count as Labour senior management adjusted to the loss of their heartlands. The Loony’s briefly cheered up Emily Thornberry when she noticed Lord Sandy’s heels and burst into laughter. A final spoiled ballot paper which required verification was rude, it described the candidates as ‘all shite’ so it was ignored and quickly forgotten.

The Acting Returning Officer and her staff maintained clear heads and a professional demeanor throughout, while the Loony’s reveled in a thoroughly good night.
Lord Sandy’s & Nick The Flying Brick