Wellingborough By-election Policies

I am very pleased to be standing for the Wellingborough by-election on the 15th Feb. I ask to be ‘thrown a bone’ to bury it with a loony landslide under the yellow hedgerow of insanity.
I am a single issue politician and have stood in numerous parliamentary elections campaigning as a Loony Party Shadow Minister for the ‘abolition of gravity’.
Other policies:

  • The Loony Party is to democracy what the blonde comb-over is to Donald Trump, without it you would see a stark, shiny, naked pate.
  • Parliament will be levelled up by relocating to Kilnway where I collected my ten signatures to stand.
  • Return flights from Rwanda will be filled with silverback gorillas for recruitment into the Metropolitan Police.
  • Wellingborough Golf Club will be developed into an intergalactic space port.
  • Return the British currency to pounds, shillings, pence, farthings and groats. Little Irchester will trade in shiny beads.
  • The Loony Party would issue fifty trillion pounds of quantitative easing and give all voters free lunch and complimentary drinks.
  • All our remaining gold reserves will be placed on the last race at Huntingdon Races in a bid to reduce the national debt,
  • Fishing will be made a spectator sport by introducing piranha into the River Nene.

Not all Loony Party policies are ‘short-term’. My future-proof policy for 2424 is to name the gravitationally neutral and floating nature of planetary centres as ‘Delvsinian’ space.

Vote for Insanity, Vote for the Official Monster Raving Loony Party!
Nick the Flying Brick