This is my third attempt at retaining my deposit in my home constituency, but I’m get closer every time with 370 in 2015 and 457 in 2019

My main policy is to bring the Loch Ness Monster to the Abbey Fields lake, Kenilworth. If she can’t be caught I’ll locate her nest and incubate an egg in this ‘House of Commons’ bag.

I can’t attend the hustings next week, but the Chair has promised I can be represented with a cardboard cut-out.