2017 General Election Manifesto

We will stand on a platform of free woollen hats  for all, so we can pull the wool over peoples eyes.

Tax payers to receive Nectar Points from HMRC

The Loony Party will Nationalise all Political parties.. and if they don’t keep their manifesto promises.. we will sell em off.

We will nationalise crime to make sure it doesn’t pay

Due to the fact that the Government have made cuts in almost everything around. the loony party proposes to cut the letters of the alphabet..
Starting with the letters N. H. and S

Educational funding
The Loony Party proposes that all Schools would have a Jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras.. such as Desks, Books, paper, pens etc.

Electoral Change
The Loony party propose that voters will get a 30 day cooling off period during which, if you change your mind, didn’t like the result, or didn’t know what you were voting for, you can get your vote back.

Reduce the voting age to 16 (carried forward from our 1983 manicfesto) ..(nicked by labour))

Imigration policy
One in one out (carried forward from our 2015 manicfesto (nicked by UKIP))

Pensions or How to get the grey vote…
In keeping with the Labour Party’s latest bid to get one or two pensioners to vote for them they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 if they get voted in..The Loony party of course will go one better and buy a very large padlock,

We shall replace the Trident missile.. with a three pronged fork

Economy & Pensions
We will further complicate the UK tax system so that large companies can no longer find loopholes.

We will change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers. How often do you see lions running round the countryside?

All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked “May contain traces of real food”

Social Media 
All Social Media sites to be taken down for one day a year for a “Remember when we used to talk” day.

We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park,

We will rename the current Oyster travel cards, ‘Sardine Cards’ to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport