General Election 2019 Manicfesto

General Election 2019 Manicfesto  —— For the Manic, Not the Few

We pledge to fight this election on an invisible platform so that people cannot see the floors in our policies.

Stressful times in the House
In order to calm down the passions and stresses currently exhibited in Parliament, the Loony Party would make all M.P’s have half an hours compulsory Tai chi everyday.
This would counteract the other 23 ½ hours Chi Ting they do for the rest of the time


  1. We in The Loony Party are quite willing to accept bribes , and inducements from the Government in exchange that we don’t stand in the election.
  2. We will combat corruption in public life by taking part in it openly, we will also introduce the Board of Bribery who will set standardised rates?

Northern Powerhouse

The Loony party will invest millions in the Northern Powerhouse.
For clarification all parties agree that, as normal, the North starts at Hadrians Wall and ends where Scotland starts


  1. The Border in Northern Ireland would be made out of sponge to prevent a Hard Border
  2. We will renegotiate to stay and lead the E.U and then sack the other 27 countries

Identity Theft

We propose to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Dave.

Play Grounds

We will redevelop Playgrounds for all age groups.

Civil Service

The Civil Service will be extended to all branches of government, because a little politeness goes a long way.


The British Museum should have a Daddy’s section alongside the current Mummy exhibition.??


  1. We will rename the current Oyster cards, ‘Sardine Cards’ to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport
    2. We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park. Potholes deeper than 3 inches will be marked with a yellow plastic duck .


All political and electoral leaflets will be printed on soft Toilet paper so that it may be recycled in the appropriate manner. ??


In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months ?

Animal Welfare

To protect pets and people of a nervous disposition we would introduce silent fireworks.?