General Election 2022 Manicfesto —— For the Manic, Not the Few
We pledge to fight this election on an invisible platform so that people cannot see the floors in our policies.
Once in Government, we will replace the Foreign Secretary with a British one!
We will reduce hospital waiting lists by using a smaller font.
We will reduce net migration by making sure that any nets are secured more firmly to the ground.
We will reduce inflation by giving everyone free pins
When formulating Policies the Government relies heavily on Expert Advise. Remember – Experts built the Titanic
The Loony Party will also take into account the opinion of “Dave on Facebook”
- We will get rid of the Energy Price Cap and replace it with a Top Hat (This will also help our Millenery Industry)
2. We will get rid of all Standing Charges. (We are quite capable of sitting down and freezing to death)
3. All the hot air spoken in Parliament will be redirected to the Gas Distribution Networks.
Stressful times in the House
In order to calm down the passions and stresses currently exhibited in Parliament, the Loony Party would make all M.P’s have half an hours compulsory Tai chi everyday.
This would counteract the other 23 ½ hours Chi Ting they do for the rest of the time
- We in The Loony Party are quite willing to accept bribes , and inducements from the Government in exchange that we don’t stand in the election.
- We will combat corruption in public life by taking part in it openly, we will also introduce the Board of Bribery who will set standardised rates?
The Loony party will invest millions in the Northern Powerhouse.
For clarification all parties agree that, as normal, the North starts at Hadrians Wall and ends where Scotland starts
- The Border in Northern Ireland would be made out of sponge to prevent a Hard Border
- We will renegotiate to stay and lead the E.U and then sack the other 27 countries
We propose to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Dave.
We will redevelop Playgrounds for all age groups.
The Civil Service will be extended to all branches of government, because a little politeness goes a long way.
The British Museum should have a Daddy’s section alongside the current Mummy exhibition.??
We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park. Potholes deeper than 3 inches will be marked with a yellow plastic duck .
All political and electoral leaflets will be printed on soft Toilet paper so that it may be recycled in the appropriate manner. ??
In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months ?
To protect pets and people of a nervous disposition we would introduce silent fireworks.?