Hellooo
Lady Lil here, I’ve been working hard to get the by-election campaign moving. . . I can tell you, its been a bit of a strain. . .
. . . but today I’m announcing the finalised Manicfesto for the B&R by-election
On Austerity:
1. To save money on office refurbishments for local MPs, it is proposed that office artwork, particularly cute photos will be taken with a phone camera and printed off at Boots chemist before blue tacking to the wall, invoices should be well under the £50 mark and therefore require no need to engage in complex and confusing accounting practices
2. The Welsh Assembly will be cut from 60 to 6 member and renamed the Welsh Ensemble
3. To save on ink, we will cut the number of letters in the alphabet, starting with N, H, S
On Equality:
1. In the interests of fairness and in alignment with Government, public sector workers will receive percentage increases received my MPS in previous year of austerity (10%) whilst MPs shall receive that of the nurses (1%)
2. Following the example of the Westminster bar – all bar tabs across the UK will be written off and everyone can start with a clean slate
3. All members of the public will be entitled to claim for anything that politicians claim for; as such everyone shall receive a free moat, trouser press and TV licence
On Brexit:
1. We will Send Noel Edmonds to negotiate Brexit because he understands Deal or No Deal.
2. There will be no need for a backstop to the Brexit negotiations; we’ll use Alec Stewart as wicket-keeper.
On Sport:
Man v Horse and Bog Snorkelling will be made Olympic sports
On Education;
All Schools would have a Jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras such as Desks, Books, paper, pens , etc
On Defence:
We will ensure the next defence secretary is Welsh and entrust them with dealing with any leeks
On Climate:
1. All MPS will be relieved of their trousers, which will be sewn together and inflated to plug the hole in the ozone layer
2. We will declare an immediate climate emergency and then provide everyone with a bobble hat so we can continue to pull the wool over their eyes
On Tax:
Tax evasion loopholes shall be made available to all people, with tax havens accessible to all on a timeshare basis
On Social Care:
“Meals on Wheels” services will be replaced. The new service proposes to serve the meals on plates.
Photo Credit : Pip Morison