The Good Knight, Sir NosDa – our Shadow Minister for Information Super-highway Maintenance – has been nominated to represent the party in the Birmingham Erdington By-election on the 3rd of March.
He had previously announce his retirement from politics, at the end of 2019 and after his 6th General Election, however with doctors, teachers, and lorry drivers all recently being asked to come out of retirement for the good of the country he did not feel like he could refuse – instead he mumbled “ar bay a brummie”.
I was honoured and humbled to be asked by our leader to represent the party. On Wednesday 3rd November polling day was confirmed for Thursday 2nd December with nominations closing on Tuesday 9th November. I had taken my eye off the ball and didn’t know until the Saturday. I was unable to do anything over the weekend so my task was to visit Bexley Civic Offices first thing Monday. I had to collect the paperwork, find ten subscribers for their signatures, fill in the nomination papers, and hand them in for submission.
Howling had put me in touch with Brexit Party’s Alan Cook who he had met at the Peterborough By-election. He has extensive family and social connections in Sidcup and, with his brother Mark, escorted me to the addresses of registered voters. That was a fantastic help. My nomination was accepted late that afternoon and I returned home to Kent.
That evening I received the shock news that one of my subscribers was disqualified as being of foreign birth. All of us had failed to spot this. Rushing back to Sidcup on deadline day I collected Alan Cook’s father for his signature at the Civic Offices. All was then well and to celebrate we visited Wetherspoon’s The Furze Wren.
There are six wards on Evesham Town Council. My plan is to be the first candidate not to be elected to any of them. I took a step nearer to fruition on Thursday the 28th October when 43 votes saw me rejected by the Twyford Ward voters in the Evesham Town Council By-election.
The Conservative candidate in the Avon ward got 28 votes and was trying to win, so a Loony not trying to win getting 43 makes you realise just how Loony politricks is.
Twyford now joins Evesham South and Great Hampton as wards ticked off – Avon, Bengeworth and Little Hampton to go.
Peace, Love, Rock ‘n’ Roll
Barmy Lord B
After a lot of inactivity due to this ‘Covid thingy’, we were glad to get back on the campaign trail again. We’ve had three by-elections in a short space of time. The ‘Incredible Flying Brick’ stood for Hartlepool. Chesham and Amersham was next but we missed out on that one. The ‘Writ’ was announced on the Monday, requiring the papers in by Thursday. Although close to me I didn’t have time to initiate the paper work. Never mind, next came Batley and Spen in Yorshire, just south of Leeds. I was certainly up for this. We had fantastic help from Sir Archibald Stanton, who stood for us in Dewsbury in the General election, the constituency next door. He obtained the ten nominations, and arranged accommodation for me. Great work! I would also like to thank Dave and Teresa Diskin of the Beer Street public house in Dewsbury for making me welcome, and their customers for treating me as a local, we had a good few laughs. Nick the Brick was my official agent, his job was made much easier by Sir Archie’s efficacy.
Batley has a Wetherspoon, ‘The Union Rooms’ and with the kind permission of Tim Martin, I was able to use the premises as my meet and greet room. Becci and her staff were very amiable, We had an official photo taken outside featuring myself, Sir Archie, MP Thompson-Squire of Sheep Hill, and St Stephen ‘Ivar Biggun’ Boden. The picture and story will appear in the next ‘Spoons’ magazine.
News soon got around that I was there, just about all of the fifteen othe partys put in an appearance to say hello. It got very busy with interviews, pod casts, video’s and general media interest. I shared a stage with George Galloway on the hustings and other candidates, all very friendly towards me, but apparently not towards each other, so I heard.
The count night was very well organised, but because of social distancing, face masks, and only being allowed six count tickets, it didn’t have quite the same ambience as pre-covid elections. The Howling ‘Laud’, The Flying Brick, Sir Archibald Stanton, Mr R.U Seerius, Lady Helen Back, and Farming F’tang Dave attended the count. Ladbrokes had odds of 20/1 that we would come in the top 6, I know quite a few people who had a flutter on that including me. Alas we came 8th, in the top half mind you. Another 100 votes we would have all been in the money!
Never mind, we were there, we were seen, we have not gone away. We beat the SDP for the 3rd time running, their Party leader William Clouston and I had a £5 bet on who would get the most votes, ha ha. UKIP only beat us by 44 votes. They must all be running scared of being beaten by us by now.
Watch out next time, is the battle cry.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Loony Party Leader.
As you probably know our leader stood for election at the Batley and Spen by-election, (which was caused by the previous M.P getting a better Job) yesterday 1/7/2021. having spent a week campaigning in the area he managed to increase his vote by 100% and achieved 107 Votes, coming in 8th place.. Well done Howling.
It was a long night with contention about the election and the way it was handled, mainly by George Galloway..who only got 8000+ votes (ONLY) and was beaten into third place by Conservatives and Labour.
The Labour candidate was very excited to meet our leader (see pic) and she won by a few hundred votes, which only added to her excitement.
We are always aware that at an election someone got up, went down to the polling station and put an X next to the Loony Candidate, and we are humbled, and never take this for granted, especially when some of the candidates from the larger parties seem to expect the votes, as their right.. so George..please be a little more humble about the voters.
As usual several of Howlin’s supporters came along to help with the count to give some support..
A Long but good night for the Loony Party, and a big thankyou to the people of Batley and Spen for your hospitality
Howling Laud Hope our party leader is standing for the Batley & Spen by-election on the 1st July. This achievement is entirely due to our Gilly Nicholls, ably helped by Sir Archibald Stanton, collecting the ten nominations.
Howling’s election agent Nick the Incredible Flying Brick is seen here learning a thing or two from Harold Wilson just after submitting the papers. Photo taken by Sir Archibald Stanton.
Voters of Batley & Spen vote for Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – you know it makes sense!
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick
All 48 councillor seats in Kingston Upon Thames are up for election in 2022, until one of the Lib Dems decided they had had enough and stepped down meaning a by-election on May 6th 2021 was declared for the ward in Chessington South. The Lib Dems choose a former Labour MP as their candidate and bizarrely Labour choose to field the son of the Lib Dem councillor that had just resigned! With Covid allowances coming into play, meaning only 2 signatures were required, the opportunity was too good to miss so The OFFICIAL Monster Raving Loony Party decided to put up 13 candidates, all regulars in the Lucky Rover Pub . . . the Lucky 13
A uniform in the form of a Santa outfit was chosen to reflect our policy of moving the Christmas Day people had missed out celebrating to May 6th! A Christmas Eve victory party was duly organised with an outdoor acoustic performance by local legend Robin Bibi and a posse from the Green party joined in the celebrations.
Christmas and Boxing Day came and went with the count being held on Sat 8th May at Kensington Olympia along with the London Mayor election count. After a nervous 20 minutes wait to get in (none of us had any ID with our commonly known names!) we were in and surveyed the growing pile of OFFICIAL Loony votes in the trays. We then realised that due to space restrictions, all our votes were in the same tray so they had to do a second count just for us!!
A heart-warming total of 92 votes were secured (see the breakdown elsewhere on this website) with our two brothers ‘winning’ with 1 vote apiece, whilst 6 of our 13 secured more votes each that the 7 obtained by the Trade Union & Socialist candidate!
Our congratulations go to the Returning Officer for his deadpan delivery of our party name . . . 13 times!
Arms were raised, cheers were made and backs were duly slapped for an election full of Loony records.
Needless to say I thank the stars of the show (the candidates) and the support of LandLADY LUCKY & LandLORD ROVER during the whole of this campaign.
The 2022 elections will see the more conventional approach with just 48 candidates . . . . with just one in each ward!
It’s a wonderful thing when seventeen years separate two visits but the hospitality and generosity remain the same!
I must thank my agent George Stuart aka Sir Adrian Wall and his wife Dotty for a first class welcome and all the regulars outside ‘The Bowline’ on the Marina for a great pre-election victory celebration. The weather was cold but the hospitality was warm. It was a great start to what turned out to be a long but enjoyable Thursday night.
All parliamentary by-election counts are different but Hartlepool count was quite exceptionally strange. It was most notable for the length of time the count took and by the end of it the exhaustion of the counting tellers, elections staff and Denise McGuckin the Returning Officer. The ballot verification didn’t happen till after three in the morning, and at this time I decided that the best course of action was to slip away back to my room in the Douglas Hotel for a couple of hours sleep.
At seven in the morning a frazzled Denise McGuckin invited the candidates and election agents to the back of the stage where she showed us a pile of spoilt papers. She suggested to us that the Conservative landslide was so immense and that the hour was so late that there was surely no point in going through them and would we mind stepping up to the stage for the result. Feeling fresh as a daisy I skipped on claiming prize spot!
It was a shame to beat the ‘Freedom Party’ as they were a spirited and young posse. I’ve been told that I set a new record for the largest number of votes ever cast for any candidate in 14th place in a Parliamentary by-election in the United Kingdom!
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick
Our intrepid candidate Chinners has been very busy organising the loony candidates for the council elections in his area Kingston -upon -Thames.
Some of his manicfesto commitments include:
- On the 21st of June we will reduce social distancing measurements. From this day, the Sun will be permitted to only be 92,957,000 miles from the Earth
- Protecting the Green belt by renaming it to the black belt so no one messes with it.
- Stop piling up tarmac on the roads in the form of speed humps and put it in the holes.
BUT more importantly he has managed to get 13. . . yes 13 candidates to stand all at the same place at the same time. A World 1st for Chinners and the loony Party
Well done Chinners . . .
I am very pleased to be standing for Hartlepool in the by-election happening on the 6th of May. Just like everyone else I have been locked away for too long and am really looking forward to coming up to Hartlepool in a few weeks to win votes for the Loony Party. I am hoping to knock the Labour ‘red wall’ down with a loony landslide and replace it with a yellow hedgerow of insanity.
I would very much like to thank my election agent George Stuart, aka ‘Sir Adrian Wall’, our minister for Scottish Widows and other Highland affairs, and ‘Dotty Dot’ for collecting the ten nominations.
We’ve all been inside for too long, I’ve had my first jab and looking forward to my second vaccination and after the election I very much hope to be Hartlepool’s next MP!
I am a single issue politician,and have had a long-standing campaign for the abolition of gravity.
My other policies:
- The Houses of Parliament will be relocated next to Hartlepool Marina.
- To halt the spread of new Covid variants all international travel will be by paddle steamer.
- We will enrol the Hartlepool ‘Victoria Arms’ darts team to speed up the pace of the vaccination program.
- Hartlepool Golf Club will be re-developed into an intergalactic space port.
- Visiting EU officials in Brexit trade talks with the UK will be required to wear a Darlington football strip. This will ruin their game.
- Return the British currency to pounds, shillings, pence, farthings and groats. Rural villages such as Hart can resume trade in shiny beads.
- The Official Monster Raving Loony Party would create fifty trillion pounds through quantitative easing and give all voters free lunch and complimentary drinks for ever.
- The Loony Party will issue ‘looncoin’ a crypto currency based on ‘bitcoin’ as a reserve currency just in case the fifty trillion pounds quantitative easing doesn’t work.
- All our remaining gold reserves will be placed on the last race at the Sedgefield Races in a bid to reduce the national debt.
- Coastal fishing will be made a spectator sport by introducing saltwater crocodiles into Hartlepool Bay.