Elections

Nominations closed at 4pm on 25th May 2022 for the Wakefield by-election.
There are 15 candidates standing including our local man Sir Archibald Stanton. Sir Archibald and Nick the Flying Brick lodged the Loony Party nomination papers at the magnificent County Hall Wakefield on Tuesday.
Sir Archibald suggested a change to the election rules which the Wakefield Elections Department are considering:-
The Returning Officer will draw out the winning MP from the candidate’s nominations all put into a big top hat.
The prize-draw will happen after all the  counting tellers, election staff and party supporters led by Jon Craig and Laura Kuenssberg have spent election night singing, line dancing and doing the hokey-cokey.
Because that’s what it’s all about!
Our Party Leader Howling Laud Hope is arriving in the Constituency 19th June and Chinners and the Baron are busy behind the scenes with Twitter, badges and rosettes.
Our local men Johnny Ringo and MP Thompson will be giving Archie a helping hand during the next few weeks.
Nick the Flying Brick

We contested 11 seats in all, six of those were in Chessington, Hook and Madlen Rushett in the Royal Borough of Kingston. They were :-
Director of Undertaking Brunskill 90
Captain Coiley 47
Agent Chinners 61
Lucky Guv Joe 65
Colonel Cramps 90
Lady Dave 121
Total = 474
A special mention for Lady Dave here for coming top of the class in the Zoo!!!

Other results around the country.
Our party leader Howling ‘Laud’ Hope stood in two seats, one for Fleet Town Council and for Hart District council in Hampshire. The best news is that he was ‘’Returned Unapposed” to the Fleet Town Council.

Trevor Half Person – Blackheath London –106
Sir Charles Reed – Fareham Hampshire – 124
Howling ‘Laud’ – Hart District Hampshire – 100
Sir Archibald Stanton – Dewsbury Yorks – 236
Sir Archie deserves a round of applause also.

So all in all, we still retain 6 Councillors.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Fleet Town Hants
Sir Giles Greenwood – Bridgenorth Shrops
Baron Von Thunderclap – Bolney Sussex
Norm the Storm – West Grinstead Sussex
Sarah ‘Mad Cow’ Howard – Lower Carlton
The Iconic Art Pole – Great Carlton, both in Lincolnshire.
Very well done to you all, proud of each one of you. See you all later in the year at the Conference, if not before.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope
Party Leader.

Incorrectly named roundabouts and bus services were the main issues for the local Lucky Rover loony’s ahead of this years Local Elections. As far as we are aware, neither Lemmy or any other band member of Motorhead ever lived or worked in local area so we find it loony that they got a roundabout named after one of their hit songs. ??

We will redress this important issue by renaming the ‘Ace Of Spades’ at Hook, the ‘Downtown’ roundabout in honour of former resident Petula Clark.?? The Chessington World of Adventures ‘Tiger Rock’ water ride experience will be extended through Chessington to the Downtown Roundabout at Hook to supplement the local public transport service during the rush hours.
As is tradition, a Victory Party was arranged in the local Loony HQ the night before polling day. After a scare upon being informed that Bad Influence guitarist Richard was sadly ill, up stepped the legend that is Papa George to accompany the marvellous vocals of Val, performing some original and classic covers.

The Faux Fibbers performed a suitably loony set which had everyone present declaring their love of armadillos. Our glorious leader Howling Laud Hope was in attendance signing books and posing for numerous photos all evening.
The count was held on Friday 6th May and the following proclaimed results were duly cheered by all in the room . . .
Director of Undertaking Brunskill – 90 Captain Coiley – 47 Agent Chinners – 61 Lucky Guv Joe – 65 Lady Dave – 121 Colonel Cramps – 90
Chinners
Cartoon Muralist, Joint Deputy Leader, Minister of Spinning, Bouncing & Points

Apathy again won in Dewsbury East but we received 6% of the vote which is an incredible result.

On the Count Day and to the astonishment of the other parties we obtained a guest pass for Sir Archibald’s right hand man Gilly.
As there were 23 wards being counted Cathedral House in Huddersfield was full and buzzing with excitement.
We received a great deal of publicity and everyone wanted to have their photograph taken with us.
Sir Archibald and Gilly were asked by The Returning Officer to speak to a group of young schoolchildren who were visiting as part of their “insight into Politics “ project.
We made the point that ours was the only Official Party and all the others were not official.
Johnny Ringo and Baron von Rainer were our Count Agents and we returned home on a high to some valued liquid refreshment.
Looking forward to our next Campaign which will be Wakefield.
Sir Archibald Stanton

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party have contested several parliamentary by-elections, but statistically at least this must go down as the worst of the current millennium – although for how long it will hold that record remains to be seen.

Our candidate Sir NosDa (Shadow Minister for Information Super Highway Maintenance) was reluctant to stand as he claims not to be a Brummie. However he is practically a local candidate due to completing two marathons along the canals underneath the Spaghetti Junction.

NosDa kept quite busy with his day job and his second jobs so only found time to visit the constituency each Friday at lunch time, where a few enlightening conversations with voters revealed that not many people would vote for him unless he got an haircut.

The media were quite preoccupied with other events. Storms,  world war three, and an earthquake all conspired against the Good Knight’s attempt to promote real issues that the election should be fought upon:

An Ice Cream Van selling a ’99’ flake for more than £1 should be fined hundreds and thousands.

One local news source ‘organised’ a very well attended hustings event, but failed to inform our candidate until the day before so he was unable to make plans to attend. His absence at the Candidates and Agent’s briefings was also noted upon / complained about by one of the opposing election agents.

To take up the slack in the campaign Howling Laud Hope spent a week in the constituency and surrounding JD Wetherspoon pubs, and courted the votes of all 49 members of the Erdington Social Club.

When election day finally arrived it was a dull, dark, damp, day – that probably alliterates with other adjectives too. Our tellers at the polling stations reported a very low turnout.

Whilst the Labour party campaigners were busy knocking on the last few doors, desperate to get their own members out to vote, the Loony party delegation met with all the members voting in Erdington for a sociable pint and a lamb curry.

By the time we arrived at the count they had already finished counting our 49 votes, so there was not much to do other than chat with the other candidates, photo-bomb the opposing teams, and be quite polite to some journalists.

We finished the night 12th out of 14 places

The 10 candidates polling less than 5% helped to boost the local economy by contributing £5,000 to Birmingham Council in the form of Democracy Tax  / Election Deposit payments.

The Good Knight Sir NosDa

The Good Knight, Sir NosDa – our Shadow Minister for Information Super-highway Maintenance – has been nominated to represent the party in the Birmingham Erdington By-election on the 3rd of March.

He had previously announce his retirement from politics, at the end of 2019 and after his 6th General Election, however with doctors, teachers, and lorry drivers all recently being asked to come out of retirement for the good of the country he did not feel like he could refuse – instead he mumbled “ar bay a brummie”.

NosDa can be found on twitter, facebook, or running around a local park at 9am on a Saturday morning.

I was keen to start nice and early with the hustings in Shropshire North so arrived a week before the by-election on the 9th December.

I was booked into the ‘Shrewsbury Wetherspoon Hotel’ with the compliments of Tim Martin and was ready for seven days of campaigning.

The ‘Flying Brick’ and our local man ‘Englebert Finklestein’ had been hard at work some weeks earlier submitting my nomination papers. Englebert lives in Market Drayton which is in the constituency, and knew a lot of people there.

The weather was quite poor so I didn’t get about as much as I would have liked to, nevertheless many locals knew that I was there and word soon got around.

I had visits from ‘The Wilfred Owen’ in Oswestry and ‘The Hippodrome’ in Market Drayton, both ‘Spoons venues, and both in the voting area.

Although The Shrewsbury was out of the constituency a lot of people from North Shropshire worked there so it all worked very well.

Once again we didn’t win, but once again we didn’t come last! 118 votes put us in eighth position out of fourteen candidates. Six other candidates wondering ‘where on earth did I go wrong!’

The Count night was very interesting, I was joined by The Brick, Englebert, Mr R U Seerius, Lady Helen Back, Sir Giles Greenwood our Bridgnorth councillor and Jason the Argonaut.

Of course as usual cameras flashing everywhere, the usual ‘glad you are here’ comment, it won’t be so boring now.

Well it wasn’t, we soon livened the place up, photos of our leader taking the stage with the winner went global, – I’d like to think ‘Looniversal’. Or is that looking too far into the future, maybe not, who knows.
Merry Christmas to you all.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Loony Party Leader.

Due to the inclement weather my campaign was heavily concentrated in cosy pubs where local drinkers readily approached me and my team for information. We left the cold-calling on cold doorsteps to the other parties. Pubs in both Bexley and Sidcup were covered, including Wetherspoon’s of course. Handed out were million pound notes freshly picked from the money tree in my back garden. I supply the million pound notes with a promise that they will become legal tender when our party wins power.
We were joined by the redoubtable Sheikh Mihand for one day of the campaign. He was sporting his usual Arab’s chequered headdress cunningly disguised as a tea towel.
We ignored an official request to arrive for the election count at 9:30pm so as not to get in the way of incoming ballot boxes from 10pm onwards. Instead we waited in a local Wetherspoon’s until we had supped sufficiently then made a grand entrance into the count an hour after it had begun. Joining the Howling Laud and me were Alan Cook (aka Baron von Cookie), his brother Mark, together with their dad Terry who all hail from Sidcup. They proved to be a terrific help with my nomination and campaign.
At every election count on my home turf I traditionally distribute bananas to all as a gesture of goodwill. Remarkably, not a single person would accept my proffered bananas and I was left with a briefcase full of the wonderful yellow fruit. Family members have subsequently transmutated the surplus into banana loaf.
Finally, it was announced that the moment of declaration had arrived. I rushed to the front of the pack and bounded up onto the stage to grab pole position only to be promptly turfed off by an official and instructed exactly where to stand down on the floor in front of the platform. Apparently only the mayor takes the platform and he makes the declaration. I was on the end of a lineup of eleven candidates but Howling Laud came to the rescue by invading the lineup to shake my hand, successfully upstaging the winner and getting us both in camera shot. As ever, he is the master of publicity.
Finally, I am proud that my record of failing to win a seat in the Commons remains unbroken.
Mad Mike

Well done Mad Mike who stood in the Old Bexley and Sidcup by-election. It seems that all the parties are claiming victory, but the reality is that Mad Mike Young (Loony) who got 94 (0.43%) votes, actually was the winner with a 100% increase in his vote. A big thank you to all of the people who voted for our candidate.. You Voted loony because you know it made sense.
Mad Mike came, he saw, he conquered, and then went home..
RU Seerius