manicfesto proposals

26m tonnes of waste plastic bottles are discarded every year in the UK of which only 45% are recycled. The Loony Party has the answer.. Stop making them..

Before you ask…We have found an alternative. Its called glass.

Some of our Proposals for other elections

Along with the existing Government policy for levelling up the North with the South             we will provide free Spirit Levels to all

We will reduce inflation by giving everyone free pins.

To make trains safer, we will fit them all with cushions on the front.

Any possible schemes thought up by Government, Council , NHS etc,  such as closure of Hosptitals, workplace parking levy etc will be preceded with a Public Consultation which we will then ignore.

We will combat corruption in public life by taking part in it openly, we will                              introduce the Board of Bribery who will set standardised rates?. #sleaze for the many not just the few

We propose to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Chris.

All political and electoral leaflets will be printed on soft paper so that it may be recycled in the appropriate manner.

In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce                   pregnancy from nine to seven months ?

To protect pets and people of a nervous disposition we would introduce silent fireworks.

With Government helped finance, AstraZeneca should buy out Pfizer, then, as we would have the rights to Viagra, the economy may stay up longer.

Redundant Red Phones boxes will be converted to bijou accommodation to ease the housing shortage.

To make things fairer we will introduce a Court of Human Lefts.

General Election 2022 Manicfesto

General Election 2022 Manicfesto  —— For the Manic, Not the Few

We pledge to fight this election on an invisible platform so that people cannot see the floors in our policies.

Once in Government, we will replace the Foreign Secretary with a British one!

Waitng Lists

We will reduce hospital waiting lists by using a smaller font.

Immigration

We will reduce net migration by making sure that any nets are secured more firmly to the ground.

Inflation

We will reduce inflation by giving everyone free pins

Government Policy

When formulating Policies the Government relies heavily on Expert Advise. Remember  – Experts built the Titanic

The Loony Party will also take into account the opinion of “Dave on Facebook”

Energy Policy

  1. We will get rid of the Energy Price Cap and replace it with a Top Hat (This will also help our Millenery Industry)
    2. We will get rid of all Standing Charges. (We are quite capable of sitting down and freezing to death)
    3. All the hot air spoken in Parliament will be redirected to the Gas Distribution Networks.

Stressful times in the House
In order to calm down the passions and stresses currently exhibited in Parliament, the Loony Party would make all M.P’s have half an hours compulsory Tai chi everyday.
This would counteract the other 23 ½ hours Chi Ting they do for the rest of the time

Corruption

  1. We in The Loony Party are quite willing to accept bribes , and inducements from the Government in exchange that we don’t stand in the election.
  2. We will combat corruption in public life by taking part in it openly, we will also introduce the Board of Bribery who will set standardised rates?

Northern Powerhouse

The Loony party will invest millions in the Northern Powerhouse.
For clarification all parties agree that, as normal, the North starts at Hadrians Wall and ends where Scotland starts

Brexit

  1. The Border in Northern Ireland would be made out of sponge to prevent a Hard Border
  2. We will renegotiate to stay and lead the E.U and then sack the other 27 countries

Identity Theft

We propose to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Dave.

Play Grounds

We will redevelop Playgrounds for all age groups.

Civil Service

The Civil Service will be extended to all branches of government, because a little politeness goes a long way.

Culture

The British Museum should have a Daddy’s section alongside the current Mummy exhibition.??

Transport

We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park. Potholes deeper than 3 inches will be marked with a yellow plastic duck .

Elections

All political and electoral leaflets will be printed on soft Toilet paper so that it may be recycled in the appropriate manner. ??

NHS

In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months ?

Animal Welfare

To protect pets and people of a nervous disposition we would introduce silent fireworks.?

General Election 2019 Manicfesto

General Election 2019 Manicfesto  —— For the Manic, Not the Few

We pledge to fight this election on an invisible platform so that people cannot see the floors in our policies.

Stressful times in the House
In order to calm down the passions and stresses currently exhibited in Parliament, the Loony Party would make all M.P’s have half an hours compulsory Tai chi everyday.
This would counteract the other 23 ½ hours Chi Ting they do for the rest of the time

Corruption

  1. We in The Loony Party are quite willing to accept bribes , and inducements from the Government in exchange that we don’t stand in the election.
  2. We will combat corruption in public life by taking part in it openly, we will also introduce the Board of Bribery who will set standardised rates?

Northern Powerhouse

The Loony party will invest millions in the Northern Powerhouse.
For clarification all parties agree that, as normal, the North starts at Hadrians Wall and ends where Scotland starts

Brexit

  1. The Border in Northern Ireland would be made out of sponge to prevent a Hard Border
  2. We will renegotiate to stay and lead the E.U and then sack the other 27 countries

Identity Theft

We propose to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Dave.

Play Grounds

We will redevelop Playgrounds for all age groups.

Civil Service

The Civil Service will be extended to all branches of government, because a little politeness goes a long way.

Culture

The British Museum should have a Daddy’s section alongside the current Mummy exhibition.??

Transport

  1. We will rename the current Oyster cards, ‘Sardine Cards’ to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport
    2. We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park. Potholes deeper than 3 inches will be marked with a yellow plastic duck .

Elections

All political and electoral leaflets will be printed on soft Toilet paper so that it may be recycled in the appropriate manner. ??

NHS

In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months ?

Animal Welfare

To protect pets and people of a nervous disposition we would introduce silent fireworks.?

Policies

We encourage everyone, even current politicians, to submit ideas to our world famous #Manicfesto! The following are some of the most recent from our wonderful Twitter followers…

  • Once in Government, anyone applying for 7 figure salary positions with the World Health Organisation or as Govt Health Advisors, will have to answer 15 correct questions on “WHO wants to be a Millionaire”.
  • In Brexit Trade Deals: Germany will be required to pay for treatment of Measles, and Spain will be required to pay for cases of Spanish Flu. The French will pay for all accidents resulting from kissing & broken letters & the Dutch will split all future expenses 50/50.
  • We will place in law measures to stop panic buying as COVID19 restrictions take hold. Shoppers will only be permitted to buy one panic per person.
  • It is evident that the 10pm pub curfew is not working , We propose that pubs ask people to leave in alphabetical order.
  • Shamefully Lord Sutch has never been allowed to take his place in the House of Lords. Nor were Duke Ellington, Count Basie or Lord Rockingham We will end this discrimination against musicians.
  • To unite the population, we will surround the UK with a large cardboard box so people can be both in and/or out of the EU. This will be known as Schrodinger’s Brexit.
  • To get more children reading, fish and chips will once again be wrapped in newspaper.
  • Once in Government we will introduce the Ministry of Clarity. The role of this Ministry will ensure that only the clearest clarity is made clear and the unclear clarity is cleared out. We hope that our position on this is now clear to all.
  • In Government, we will complete a 5 year Parliament in only 4 years. This policy not only ensures a 20% saving for the public purse but also gives everyone in the UK a year off from listening to our politicians.
  • The MOT is an annual test to ensure that your car is roadworthy. We will introduce a ROT, an annual test to make sure all roads are car worthy.

And from 1st January 2021, passports will be issued in the colour of political voting. Tories will be Blue, Labour will be Red, Greens will be green. Official Loonies will have leopard spots, and Lib Dem’s will be invisible.
Chinners

Foreign Policy

We will Admit Shamima Begum back to the country only when she accepts Screaming Lord Sutch as her saviour.

Ministry of Info

We will create a New Ministry of Information. It shall consist of the former board of directors of Cambridge Analytica. They already know everything.

Brexit Proposals

We will Send Noel Edmonds to negotiate Brexit because he understands Deal or No Deal.
There will be no need for a backstop to the Brexit negotiations. We’ll have Alec Stewart as wicket-keeper.
James Wallace

Educational Funding

The Loony Party proposes that all Schools would have a Jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras. . . such as Desks, Books, paper, pens , etc
R.U. Seerius

Pensions – triple lock

In keeping with the Labour Party’s latest bid to get one or two pensioners to vote for them they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 if they get voted in.
The Loony party of course will go one better and buy a padlock, and as its now safer than a bank,  new mattresses for all pensioners on less than 20p per week.
R.U. Seerius