Policy Proposals

Policies

We encourage everyone, even current politicians, to submit ideas to our world famous #Manicfesto! The following are some of the most recent from our wonderful Twitter followers…

  • Once in Government, anyone applying for 7 figure salary positions with the World Health Organisation or as Govt Health Advisors, will have to answer 15 correct questions on “WHO wants to be a Millionaire”.
  • In Brexit Trade Deals: Germany will be required to pay for treatment of Measles, and Spain will be required to pay for cases of Spanish Flu. The French will pay for all accidents resulting from kissing & broken letters & the Dutch will split all future expenses 50/50.
  • We will place in law measures to stop panic buying as COVID19 restrictions take hold. Shoppers will only be permitted to buy one panic per person.
  • It is evident that the 10pm pub curfew is not working , We propose that pubs ask people to leave in alphabetical order.
  • Shamefully Lord Sutch has never been allowed to take his place in the House of Lords. Nor were Duke Ellington, Count Basie or Lord Rockingham We will end this discrimination against musicians.
  • To unite the population, we will surround the UK with a large cardboard box so people can be both in and/or out of the EU. This will be known as Schrodinger’s Brexit.
  • To get more children reading, fish and chips will once again be wrapped in newspaper.
  • Once in Government we will introduce the Ministry of Clarity. The role of this Ministry will ensure that only the clearest clarity is made clear and the unclear clarity is cleared out. We hope that our position on this is now clear to all.
  • In Government, we will complete a 5 year Parliament in only 4 years. This policy not only ensures a 20% saving for the public purse but also gives everyone in the UK a year off from listening to our politicians.
  • The MOT is an annual test to ensure that your car is roadworthy. We will introduce a ROT, an annual test to make sure all roads are car worthy.

And from 1st January 2021, passports will be issued in the colour of political voting. Tories will be Blue, Labour will be Red, Greens will be green. Official Loonies will have leopard spots, and Lib Dem’s will be invisible.
Chinners

Foreign Policy

We will Admit Shamima Begum back to the country only when she accepts Screaming Lord Sutch as her saviour.

Ministry of Info

We will create a New Ministry of Information. It shall consist of the former board of directors of Cambridge Analytica. They already know everything.

Brexit Proposals

We will Send Noel Edmonds to negotiate Brexit because he understands Deal or No Deal.
There will be no need for a backstop to the Brexit negotiations. We’ll have Alec Stewart as wicket-keeper.
James Wallace

Educational Funding

The Loony Party proposes that all Schools would have a Jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras. . . such as Desks, Books, paper, pens , etc
R.U. Seerius

Pensions – triple lock

In keeping with the Labour Party’s latest bid to get one or two pensioners to vote for them they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 if they get voted in.
The Loony party of course will go one better and buy a padlock, and as its now safer than a bank,  new mattresses for all pensioners on less than 20p per week.
R.U. Seerius

The definitive Welsh Assembly Loony Party Manicfesto 2016

  1. We will feed the Welsh dragon as its looking a bit thin due to government cuts
  1. We will try to find a breeding pair of dragons as the Welsh Dragon is an endangered species.
  1. We will Report the Welsh dragon to the monopolies commission (there is only One)
  1. In the Interests of national security we will ban all Leeks from the Welsh Assembly canteen
  1. To save money we will reduce the Welsh assembly from 60 seats to 5 and create the Welsh Ensemble .
  1. Man versus horse and Bog snorkling to be an Olympic sport.
  1. We will create massive factories in South Wales manufacturing Bird nests and noodles and then flood china with them… well they did it to our steel,
  1. We will Legalise Broccoli
  1. We will give the Letter K a sound
  1. We will have different Coloured Dragons on the Welsh Flag.
  1. Anyone over 5 years old who can hold a crayon will be eligible to vote.
  1. We will Introduce Mermaids to Tiger Bay to increase tourism.
  1. We will make Swansea Airport the Hub of the Welsh Space Program.
  1. We promise that should we be elected we will not initiate any of our policies.

New Proposals

In the light of proposals at the Labour Party Conference under its new leadership with Jeremy Corbyn we have come up with 2 new proposals for Defense :

We will get rid of Trident and replace it with a new Tuning Fork.

We shall keep the Falklands and Give Jeremy Corbyn to the Argentinians.

 

Tuition fees

Well once again the main parties are stealing our election proposals. Today Ed Moribund has declared that they would reduce University Tuition fees to much media acclaim.
I didn’t notice the same amount of acclaim when we announced in our Manicfesto:
E. Education. All University Tuition fees for women would be free as we are strong believers in Female intuition. (Due to gender equality laws we would include males as well)

New proposals

We propose to cancel stamp duty…….stamps are expensive enough so we shouldn’t have to pay duty on them.

Besides leap years, there needs to be hop, skip, and jump years (thanks to Brassdancer)

Parliament will be relocated to Wormwood Scrubs, reducing the commuting costs for most Peers and MPs. (thanks to WolfBaginski)