Author: R.U.Seerius

Runcorn & Helsby By election Manicfesto

Manicfesto for Runcorn Bye Bye Election 2025

We will stand for this election on the basis that the Loony Party although a small political party will always punch above our weight.

As the Government assure us that there is no problem with the burning of waste at the Runcorn Incinerator, we will reinstall it next to The Houses of Parliament.  Well, its perfectly safe isn’t it?

As part of the Regenerating Runcorn plan we will build a space port

We will get rid of VAT as it adds no value.

Fly Tipping..We will ban all tipping of flys, insects, and zips of any kind..

We will replace employees of the Border Force with GP receptionists. This will dramatically reduce the number of people getting in.

To help with the cost of Living and to raise money for the Treasury we will Convert Numbers 10 and 11 Downing Street into a Hair salon, Which we will call ‘Government CutZ’

Along with the existing Government policy for levelling up the North with the South, we will provide free Spirit Levels to all.

The MOT is an annual test to ensure that your car is roadworthy. We will introduce a ROT, an annual test to make sure all roads are car worthy.

In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months ?

We will reduce hospital waiting lists by using a smaller font.

To make things fairer we will introduce a Court of Human Lefts.

Once in Government, we will replace the Foreign Secretary with a British one!

Published by Mr R.U.Seerius for Alan Howlin Laud Hope on behalf of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party. 59 Newbarn Close..Fleet. Hants GU51 5HU
RU Seerius

Will he stay or will he go

Our Candidate for Richmond and Northallerton Sir Archibold Stanton has been busy campaigning. He has been asked if, at the election count, the incumbent Conservative Candidate, a little known and even less seen, Mr Rishi Sunak will in fact turn up?
RU Seerius

UK Bounces Back Policy

We will recycle all the illegal immigrant boats and use the rubber to fill our potholes.
RU Seerius

By elections

Many people have commented on the absence of Alan Howling Laud Hope at the Tamworth By election yesterday, where he was the candidate for the Official Monster Raving Loony Party.
Alan was taken ill yesterday morning and was taken to hospital. Get well soon Alan.
The Tamworth by election was won by the Labour party who are rightly proud of their 20% swing from Conservative.
However, Howling gained a whopping 155 votes. This is less than the 506 votes gained by Screaming Lord Sutch in 1996 but it’s a great result in an area where we do not have a large campaigning presence. Well done Howling

At the Mid Bedfordshire by election, which Labour also won, our candidate Ann Kelly achieved a massive 249 votes. In 2019 she gained 536 votes so slightly down on last time but a valiant effort. Well done to the Bedfordshire Minx!
RU Seerius

Loony Party Conference 2023 by RU Seerius

In a concerted effort to abide with the wishes of our late Vice Chairman Barmy Lord Brockman we held our 39th Loony Party Conference in Llanwrtyd Wells. Wales famous for Bog Snorkling, Man versus Horse and the Loony Party HQ in Wales.
People came from far and far to attend even though its miles from anywhere and has little in the way of bus and Train accessability.
(mind you where has these days?)
The festivities started on Fri with a blinding set from the Big Fibbers, closely followed by Becca O’Hara, a very good local Band who really got the crowd going, all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
On Sat most people managed to get to the assembly point at the Nueadd Arms at around 1o/c for a trip to the local pubs (well 2 of em) starting with The Stoneycroft a very welcoming establishment where some members of Black Pig Border started some music going, in between the football, and did an impromptu Morris dance in the Car park.. all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
Later we all went up to the Belle Vue where we held our annual Cabinet reshuffle and Kazoo tribute to Barmy Lord Brockman and a limited amount of Space hopper racing.. all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
After that we decamped to the Nueadd Arms to listen to Howling Laud Hope regale us with the events and highlights of our political activity the last year and thoughts to the future General Election 24 with the resounding cry of LOONY’S…..GET READY FOR GOVERNMENT!!.. By the way if you didn’t know Alan Howlin Laud Hope has written a book. We also found out that our home grown TV celeb Bernie (Lily the Pink) has also written a book.. all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
I stop at this point to mention our latest addition to our merchandise range. The Loony party’s safest box of Safety Matches in the world. Guaranteed not to light.
The evenings activities continued with another brilliant set from the Big Fibbers, and followed by Gripper and the Gurnards with alternate singers including our very own Chinners.
all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
The evening carried on with our very own Dangerous Dave and band playing lots of great tunes and a surprise interlude with the well known Burlesque Dancer Lux Delioux, all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
followed by more great playing from Dangerous Dave and Band to finish off the evening… all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
apparently he’s only going to play 2 more
The Loony Party thanks everyone who attended, organised and especially performed (you dont get this at the Tory/Labour/Lib Conference) at this event.. All in all it was a very successful, all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
Once again our members were able to converse with, make and renew old friendships, and a great time was had by all… all washed down with copious amount of refreshment…
The local inhabitants of Llanwrtyd Wells can now rest easy and get back to drinking copious amount of refreshments as we have been assured that the Pubs are restocking. Next year rumour has it that we will be in Blackpool or Liverpool or somewhere else
Cu there..
RU Seerius

Loony Party Conference 2023

Our conference is at The Neuadd Arms Hotel, Llanwrtyd Wells, our Welsh HQ, between Thurs 28th Fri – 29th Sat 30th September
We have an action-packed line up of events. Starting with a meet on Thursday for the early arrivals and a walk around town on Friday to announce we’re here!
A TV documentary crew will be there all weekend who hope to capture the loony essence . .
Late afternoon around 4pm we have ‘Lord Charles does Tommy Cooper’ & George Formby’
Friday evening’s entertainment will be The Big Fibbers and The Becca O’Hara Band.
On Saturday we will tour the public houses with the Welsh CAMRA Society . CAMRA are visiting the Heart of Wales Brewery owned by Lindsey of The Neuadd, the sojourn will include a brewery tour. Radio Alty from Manchester will be there. The Brecon and Radnorshire MP Fay Jones wants to meet us, she would like a ‘Heart of Wales’ beer in the House of Commons. There are blue plaques to present to the Neuadd.
We will have our world renown cabinet reshuffle later in the afternoon on Saturday around 4pm followed my address to the assembled recounting the year’s elections and events. The Big Fibbers will start Saturday evening about 7pm followed by Gripper and the Gurnards. Sometime after 9pm a burlesque act in the form of the delightful Lux Delioux will enchant the audience. The headline act will be our old friend Dangerous Dave and his band. Badaxe will fit in wherever he is allowed!
If you would like to make a week of it you won’t be alone as I’ll be there from Thurs 21st.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope, Loony Party Leader

Results for ‘Selby and Ainsty’ & ‘Uxbridge’ By-elections

We came, we stood, we lost, we went home . . .
Alan Howling Laud Hope, who stood in Uxbridge, got a very low 32 votes which was very disappointing. We think his campaigning got a bit mixed up when the locals kept saying “what about ULEZ”? and Howling repeatedly replied ‘no I’m Alan, not Lez’. . . but on a positive note . . We were going to ask for a recount, but they’d already had.
Meanwhile in Selby and Ainsty we had a better result with Sir Archibald gaining a 100% increase in his vote, with very a respectable 170
We would like to thank everyone who voted for us, and will see you next time.
RU Seerius

 

Manicfesto for ‘Selby and Ainsty’ & ‘Uxbridge’ By-elections

  • We will make the Honours system transparent by having a public auction of knighthoods and peerages to the highest bidder.
  • The Government target of building 300,000 homes a year will be achieved by including bird, tree, dog and Wendy houses in the completion figures.
  • The much-discussed silent majority will be found, and each given a megaphone so they can make themselves heard.
  • To stop dark money entering politics, we will make all bank notes fluorescent and all brown envelopes see through
  • To increase people’s ability to move around we will not reinvent the wheel.
  • Government whips will only be used if a politician has been really bad. Minor offenses will receive the political slipper from our Party Whip
  • Net migration will be controlled by ensuring that all nets are secured to the ground.
  • The MOT is an annual test to ensure that your car is roadworthy. We will introduce a ROT, an annual test to make sure all roads are car worthy.
  • After the next General Election, we will introduce a 3 year ‘cooling-off period’ in case voters wish to change their minds.
  • Once elected, the Official Monster Raving Loony Party will complete a 5 year Parliamentary term in 4 years, representing a 20% cost saving. Everyone in ‘Selby and Ainsty’ & ‘Uxbridge’ will be given a year off politics to spend time enjoying themselves.
  • We will have a second Brexit referendum with three choices. Soft, Hard or Al dente.
  • Fly Tipping – We will ban all tipping of flys, insects, and zips of any kind. . .

RU Seerius

manicfesto proposals

26m tonnes of waste plastic bottles are discarded every year in the UK of which only 45% are recycled. The Loony Party has the answer.. Stop making them..

Before you ask…We have found an alternative. Its called glass.