Louth and Horncastle

I have lived in Gt. Carlton for nearly 25 years and a local councillor for the last ten. This will be my 4th general election. I have been a design draughtsman, estimator, salesman and marketing manager in the manufacturing and engineering industries. I have written for various publications, and catalogued for auction houses and worked as a film extra.
We need to reverse the privatisation of health, care, police, ambulance, fire and prison services. The same goes for the railway system and water companies. I have been involved with the ‘Fighting for Louth Hospital’ and been against the nuke dump from square one. My support for renewable energy stays the same. I want to see tide and wave generators installed around the bases of all offshore windmills. Education; concentrate on reading and numeracy.
UK manufacturing needs massive support to reduce imports, we should incentivise the training of staff. Farmers should have fair prices at the farm gate. We need high speed fibre for broadband as 5G’s long term side effects are still unknown.
The Iconic Arty Pole

The OFFICIAL Monster Raving Loony Party Manicfesto for General Election 2024

We are fighting this Election on the basis of CHANGE.. 

LOOSE CHANGE as this is all we’ll have left under a Labour/Conservative Government

The Loony Party will build 5 million new homes, fill up 5 million potholes, employ 80,00 teachers, policemen and NHS staff and reduce taxes to 5%……….yeah right…lol

MP’s will have to sit in stocks during their surgeries, while their constituents throw custard pies at them. This will help them judge their popularity with in the community. Companies would also be encouraged to design new versions of stocks to trade at the Stock Exchange.

RwandaWe will send all MPs who misbehave to Rwanda.

V.A.T….We will get rid of VAT as it adds no value.

Fly Tipping..We will ban all tipping of flys, insects, and zips of any kind..

Immigration..We will replace employees of the Border Force with GP receptionists. This will dramatically reduce the number of people getting in.

Cost of Living…To help with the cost of Living and to raise money for the Treasury we will Convert Numbers 10 and 11 Downing Street into a Hair salon, Which we will call ‘Government CutZ’.

Levelling up….Along with the existing Government policy for levelling up the North with the South, we will provide free Spirit Levels to all.

M.O.T….The MOT is an annual test to ensure that your car is roadworthy. We will introduce a ROT, an annual test to make sure all roads are car worthy.

Elections….After the next General Election, we will introduce a ‘cooling-off period’ of about 3 years in case voters wish to change their minds.

NHS…In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months.

NHS…We will reduce hospital waiting lists by using a smaller font.

Legal System…To make things fairer we will introduce a Court of Human Lefts.

Foreign Policy…Once in Government, we will replace the Foreign Secretary with a British one!

Stamp Duty….We will abolish stamp duty. Stamps are expensive enough as it is without having to pay any duty on them!

Migration of Nets…..We will reduce net migration by making sure that any nets are secured more firmly to the ground.

NHS…We propose to reduce the alphabet to 23 letters starting with the letters N.H.and S

Greener Cars……Once in Government we promise to have more green cars on our roads. Politicians will have fluorescent green cars so that everyone can see them coming.

Self-Serving….. Anyone using a self-service till in a supermarket will be given a 10% discount off their shopping.

Socially smart….. All Social Media sites will be taken down for one day a week for a “Remember when we used to talk” day.

 

Published by RU Seerius on behalf of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party
59 New Barn Close, Fleet, Hants, GU51 5HU

We Want To Be Elected

‘Things can only get better’ once proclaimed Tony Bliar shortly before taking the reigns of power, wealth, war and corruption. Our song for this years General Election is far more succinct and honest. Performed by The Jammy Fibbers who comprise of the legend that is Joe Jammer, our Lord of the Strings and Deputy Fibbing Leader Knigel Knapp (also featuring A.Gent Chinners Loony Rant) we are sure all voters with a modicum of commonsense as well as a hefty pinch of Insanity will concur.

A. Gent Chinners

Holborn and St Pancras

Looking for inspiration I threw a dart at a map of UK constituency’s and hit ‘Holborn and St Pancras’ in London. I discovered, only shortly after having my papers accepted in Camden Town Hall, that Sir Keir Starmer had chosen the same constituency too! Sir Richard Bootleg in neighbouring Kilburn and Joshua ‘Mad Hatter’ Laud Mallinson make a great team. Sir Richard has accepted the role of election agent. Local legend and campaign manager Joshua proposed my candidacy and convinced fellow voters at ‘Tapping the Admiral’ in Camden to nominate me and arranged Dan from the Camden Journal to record our campaign. With sutch a fantastic team I am confident of a famous victory on the 4th July, independence is ours!
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick

Our 22 candidates for the 4th July 2024 General Election

Well done everybody!

Lady Lily The Pink
Brecon, Radnor and Cwm Tawe
Citizen Skwith
Brighton Pavilion
Mark Citizen Lawrence
Chelmsford
Lord Psychobilly Tractor
Crewe and Nantwich
Martin Hogbin
East Surrey
Hoo-Ray Henry
Ely and East Cambridgeshire
Knigel Knapp
Hackney North and Stoke Newington
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick
Holborn and St Pancras
Nicholas Robert Blunderbuss Green
Kenilworth and Southam
A. Gent Chinners
Kingston and Surbiton
Ezechiel Adlore
Leicester South
Iconic Arty-Pole
Louth and Horncastle
Baron Von Thunderclap
Mid Sussex
Mad Hatter
New Forest East
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope
North East Hampshire
Barmy Brunch
North East Somerset and Hanham
Sir Archibald Stanton
Richmond and Northallerton
Mad Mike Young
Sittingbourne and Sheppey
Earl Elvis of East Anglia
South West Norfolk
Titus Anything
Stafford
Sir Grumpus L Shorticus
Ynys Môn
James Antony Lionel Michael Rust Blackpool North and Fleetwood

Howling Laud Hope – Loony Party Leader

Howling Laud rallying the troops

Howling ‘Laud’ Hope your party leader here, on his marks, get set, ready – GO, for the 2024 General Election! I am in my home constituency of North East Hampshire where I obtained my best ever result of 576 votes in 2019. I am looking to trebling that this time. If I do, it would mean a lot of worry for the other party’s, as they would recognise the voters believe in us!
We are the Party which is on everyone’s side, no matter what political persuasion they may be. The only wasted vote is one that’s not used. If you want to vote for ‘none of the above’ and don’t usually vote, vote unusually, Vote LOONY!
Howling Laud Hope – Loony Party Leader

Kingston & Surbiton

Was out late on Thursday night collecting the 10 signatures required to enter next months Space-hopper race, so late that I overslept and missed my 10am appointment. Fortunately, my better looking twin brother realised sutch an occurrence was likely and took it upon himself to deliver the nomination papers on my behalf (I bet the ladies in Electoral Services loved that) and apparently all went well and was done & dusted in 10 minutes, so look-out Sir Ed Davey, I will be seeking the constituents ‘stamp’ of approval to replace you as my MP.
A Gent Chinners

Kenilworth and Southam

This is my third attempt at retaining my deposit in my home constituency, but I’m get closer every time with 370 in 2015 and 457 in 2019
My main policy is to bring the Loch Ness Monster to the Abbey Fields lake, Kenilworth. If she can’t be caught I’ll locate her nest and incubate an egg in this ‘House of Commons’ bag.
I can’t attend the hustings next week, but the Chair has promised I can be represented with a cardboard cut-out.
Blunderbuss

Cambridge & Ely

Ely & East Cambridgeshire – it’s a new one, don’t ya know. This is a brand-new constituency so, clearly, we’re ripe for a change from everything that hasn’t gone before.
As a result, I’m a brand-new Loony candidate; which is more than can be said for some of the unofficial party offerings.
There are Loony enclaves and a range of extremely good hostelries scattered around the seat, including one directly opposite Local Loony HQ. Anyone who fancies exploring them and maybe doing some light campaigning at the same time will find themselves made more than welcome.
My nomination papers were delivered to the extremely friendly election team at East Cambridgeshire District Council at lunchtime on Thursday. We had the novel experience of the Council not being entirely sure how to take my deposit off me, and no, it wasn’t the five-hundred and six 99p coins causing the issue! But all sorted and paperwork submitted. Onwards and sideways!
Hoo-Ray Henry