Ynys Môn – Isle of Anglesey

My name came from a colleague who one day burst out, ‘You’re just a grumpy dwarf aren’t you!’, another colleague Latin-ised it and I added the title and initial. This is a first for me, and for Anglesey, the Loony Party standing for Ynys Môn(ster). My Council Electoral Office seemed really quite bemused, but were extremely helpful.
These were my policies which helped me achieve 156 votes in the general election

  • A Unique Time Zone for Wales
    Reduce the hour from 60 minutes to 40, fully reversing the 20mph speed limits back to what they were without the cost of changing all the signs – again, and creating a whole new industry in manufacturing Welsh time pieces.
  • Build the Needed 3rd Bridge/Crossing – From Dublin
  • Grey Squirrels Entering Anglesey illegally will be sent to Rwanda (We only have reds)
  • Build Wylfa B nuclear power station, reverse the generated power into the wind-farms which would then propel Anglesey to an EU country of choice.
  • A Private Member’s Bill to make the misuse or omission of apostrophe’s a Criminal Offence
    Sir Grumpus L Shorticus

Blackpool North and Fleetwood

Election Fever is in the air in Blackpool North and Fleetwood as we move into the final phase of the plan for a Loony to seize power.
‘Crackers Count Corrosion of Forlorn Hope’ is relying on changing his lifetime of ‘nearly winning’ to break the two-party system and come out on top for once.
Crackers reports that it’s too close to call. The public goes wild wherever he attends hustings and so far he’s managed to dodge all the rotten eggs. His carer is busy handing out leaflets and the scene is set for an election landslide like never before!
Crackers

Will he stay or will he go

Our Candidate for Richmond and Northallerton Sir Archibold Stanton has been busy campaigning. He has been asked if, at the election count, the incumbent Conservative Candidate, a little known and even less seen, Mr Rishi Sunak will in fact turn up?
RU Seerius

Brecon, Radnor & Cwmtawe

I’m Lady Lily the Pink, AKA ‘Nun of The Above or Below’. I’ll be preaching the gospel of using your vote all over the Brecon, Radnor & Cwmtawe Constituency.
You can find me at all the available hustings between now and 4th July, doing what politicians do, not answering the questions, making promises I have no intention of keeping, and cuddling cute babies for the perfect photo opportunity! I’m here for the non-voters but would also like to increase voter turnout.
I don’t wish to steal anyone else’s votes, stop anyone voting if they have someone to vote for, or to stop anyone who wants to vote tactically doing so.
If you have lost faith, lost interest, don’t see the point, want to protest, need ‘a none of the above’ option then vote for Lily the Pink on the 4th of July!
Lady Lily the Pink

Louth and Horncastle

I have lived in Gt. Carlton for nearly 25 years and a local councillor for the last ten. This will be my 4th general election. I have been a design draughtsman, estimator, salesman and marketing manager in the manufacturing and engineering industries. I have written for various publications, and catalogued for auction houses and worked as a film extra.
We need to reverse the privatisation of health, care, police, ambulance, fire and prison services. The same goes for the railway system and water companies. I have been involved with the ‘Fighting for Louth Hospital’ and been against the nuke dump from square one. My support for renewable energy stays the same. I want to see tide and wave generators installed around the bases of all offshore windmills. Education; concentrate on reading and numeracy.
UK manufacturing needs massive support to reduce imports, we should incentivise the training of staff. Farmers should have fair prices at the farm gate. We need high speed fibre for broadband as 5G’s long term side effects are still unknown.
The Iconic Arty Pole

The OFFICIAL Monster Raving Loony Party Manicfesto for General Election 2024

We are fighting this Election on the basis of CHANGE.. 

LOOSE CHANGE as this is all we’ll have left under a Labour/Conservative Government

The Loony Party will build 5 million new homes, fill up 5 million potholes, employ 80,00 teachers, policemen and NHS staff and reduce taxes to 5%……….yeah right…lol

MP’s will have to sit in stocks during their surgeries, while their constituents throw custard pies at them. This will help them judge their popularity with in the community. Companies would also be encouraged to design new versions of stocks to trade at the Stock Exchange.

Rwanda…We will send all MPs who misbehave to Rwanda.

V.A.T….We will get rid of VAT as it adds no value.

Fly Tipping..We will ban all tipping of flys, insects, and zips of any kind..

Immigration..We will replace employees of the Border Force with GP receptionists. This will dramatically reduce the number of people getting in.

Cost of Living…To help with the cost of Living and to raise money for the Treasury we will Convert Numbers 10 and 11 Downing Street into a Hair salon, Which we will call ‘Government CutZ’.

Levelling up….Along with the existing Government policy for levelling up the North with the South, we will provide free Spirit Levels to all.

M.O.T….The MOT is an annual test to ensure that your car is roadworthy. We will introduce a ROT, an annual test to make sure all roads are car worthy.

Elections….After the next General Election, we will introduce a ‘cooling-off period’ of about 3 years in case voters wish to change their minds.

NHS…In an effort to reduce the problems faced by the NHS , it is proposed to reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months.

NHS…We will reduce hospital waiting lists by using a smaller font.

Legal System…To make things fairer we will introduce a Court of Human Lefts.

Foreign Policy…Once in Government, we will replace the Foreign Secretary with a British one!

Stamp Duty….We will abolish stamp duty. Stamps are expensive enough as it is without having to pay any duty on them!

Migration of Nets…..We will reduce net migration by making sure that any nets are secured more firmly to the ground.

NHS…We propose to reduce the alphabet to 23 letters starting with the letters N.H.and S

Greener Cars……Once in Government we promise to have more green cars on our roads. Politicians will have fluorescent green cars so that everyone can see them coming.

Self-Serving….. Anyone using a self-service till in a supermarket will be given a 10% discount off their shopping.

Socially smart….. All Social Media sites will be taken down for one day a week for a “Remember when we used to talk” day.

 

Published by RU Seerius on behalf of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party
59 New Barn Close, Fleet, Hants, GU51 5HU

We Want To Be Elected

‘Things can only get better’ once proclaimed Tony Bliar shortly before taking the reigns of power, wealth, war and corruption. Our song for this years General Election is far more succinct and honest. Performed by The Jammy Fibbers who comprise of the legend that is Joe Jammer, our Lord of the Strings and Deputy Fibbing Leader Knigel Knapp (also featuring A.Gent Chinners Loony Rant) we are sure all voters with a modicum of commonsense as well as a hefty pinch of Insanity will concur.

A. Gent Chinners

Holborn and St Pancras

Looking for inspiration I threw a dart at a map of UK constituency’s and hit ‘Holborn and St Pancras’ in London. I discovered, only shortly after having my papers accepted in Camden Town Hall, that Sir Keir Starmer had chosen the same constituency too! Sir Richard Bootleg in neighbouring Kilburn and Joshua ‘Mad Hatter’ Laud Mallinson make a great team. Sir Richard has accepted the role of election agent. Local legend and campaign manager Joshua proposed my candidacy and convinced fellow voters at ‘Tapping the Admiral’ in Camden to nominate me and arranged Dan from the Camden Journal to record our campaign. With sutch a fantastic team I am confident of a famous victory on the 4th July, independence is ours!
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick