It’s a wonderful thing when seventeen years separate two visits but the hospitality and generosity remain the same!
I must thank my agent George Stuart aka Sir Adrian Wall and his wife Dotty for a first class welcome and all the regulars outside ‘The Bowline’ on the Marina for a great pre-election victory celebration. The weather was cold but the hospitality was warm. It was a great start to what turned out to be a long but enjoyable Thursday night.
All parliamentary by-election counts are different but Hartlepool count was quite exceptionally strange. It was most notable for the length of time the count took and by the end of it the exhaustion of the counting tellers, elections staff and Denise McGuckin the Returning Officer. The ballot verification didn’t happen till after three in the morning, and at this time I decided that the best course of action was to slip away back to my room in the Douglas Hotel for a couple of hours sleep.
At seven in the morning a frazzled Denise McGuckin invited the candidates and election agents to the back of the stage where she showed us a pile of spoilt papers. She suggested to us that the Conservative landslide was so immense and that the hour was so late that there was surely no point in going through them and would we mind stepping up to the stage for the result. Feeling fresh as a daisy I skipped on claiming prize spot!
It was a shame to beat the ‘Freedom Party’ as they were a spirited and young posse. I’ve been told that I set a new record for the largest number of votes ever cast for any candidate in 14th place in a Parliamentary by-election in the United Kingdom!
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick
Hartlepool Parliamentary by-Election
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick – 108
- Howling ‘Laud’ Hope Fleet Central, Hants – 71
- Barmy Lord Brockman Evesham N+W – 88
- Barmy Lord Brockman Worcester County – 163
- Trevor Allman Greenwich West – 110
- Whacky Whyte Witch B/way + C/wickham – 87
- Sir Offa Ones Rocker Evesham South – 63
- Miss young Powerhouse Fleet East, Hants – 123
- Merv the Karaoke Kid Baguley Manchester – 54
- Baron Von Thunderclap W/Sussex County – 122
- Mr Badaxe Brancombe + N/Beeston, Notts – 50
- Lord Cameron Brooklands Manchester – 51
- Tony ‘Shannocks Poet’ Sherringham Norfolk – 45
Plus The Lucky 13 in Chessington South
- Baron Von Auchenbach – 8
- Undertaking Director Brunskill – 16
- A.Gent Chinners – 12
- Captain Coiley – 13
- Casual Count of Corinthian – 6
- Colonel Cramps – 14
- Duke Diddy Dobbs – 8
- Landlady Lucky – 2
- Landlord Lucky – 3
- Kingstonian Newt – 6
- Lady Dave – 2
- Robbie the Radical Recyclist – 1
- Sam Squatch – 1
Great news – Sir Giles Greenwood, won a seat on the Kemberton, Bridgenorth Council. ‘Unopposed’.
Plus another of our long standing members ‘Monkey the Drummer’ stood for his local Residents Association in Molesey, Surrey, and won, beating the Conservative. He’s still pinching himself, can’t get over it!
So to sum up the situation our ‘Loony Party’ now holds 6 seats.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Fleet Town, Hampshire
Baron Von Thunderclap – Bolney Parish, Sussex
Norm the Storm – W/Grinstead + Partridge Green
Sarah Mad Cow – Lower Carlton, Lincs
The Iconic Arty Pole – Great Carlton, Lincs
Sir Giles Greenwood – Kemberton, Bridgenorth
Jolly good show my friends, see you all at the conference in September. Until then – Loony On!
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Loony Party Leader
Our intrepid candidate Chinners has been very busy organising the loony candidates for the council elections in his area Kingston -upon -Thames.
Some of his manicfesto commitments include:
- On the 21st of June we will reduce social distancing measurements. From this day, the Sun will be permitted to only be 92,957,000 miles from the Earth
- Protecting the Green belt by renaming it to the black belt so no one messes with it.
- Stop piling up tarmac on the roads in the form of speed humps and put it in the holes.
BUT more importantly he has managed to get 13. . . yes 13 candidates to stand all at the same place at the same time. A World 1st for Chinners and the loony Party
Well done Chinners . . .
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick – Hartlepool Parliamentary
Local, District and County
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope – Hart District, Hampshire.
Barmy Lord Brockman – Evesham North & West
Barmy Lord Brockman – Evesham Worcester County
Wacky Whyte Witch – Broadway & Childswickham
Sir Offa Ones Rocker – Evesham South
Trevor Allman – Greenwich West
Miss Young Powerhouse – Fleet East, Hampshire
Baron Von Thunderclap – West Sussex County
Merve the Karaoke Kid – Baguley Manchester
Mr Badaxe – Nottingham County
Lord Cameron – Brooklands, Manchester
Tony ‘Shannocks Poet’ Bolster – Sherringham, Norfolk County
Sir Giles Greenwood – Harrington Ward, Bridgnorth, Shrops.
Below are the LUCKY 13 from the Lucky Rover pub. All these candidates are standing for the Loony Party in the Kingston Upon Thames Chessington South Ward.
Casual Count of Corinthian
Duke Diddy Dodd
A. Gent Chinners
Baron Von Achenbach
Undertaking Director Brunskill
Rev. Robbie the Radical Recyclist
Its not to late, still a few days left, papers must be in by April 8th, but you can’t stand for us unless you get permission from party.
Call 07946292557 for more info!
I am very pleased to be standing for Hartlepool in the by-election happening on the 6th of May. Just like everyone else I have been locked away for too long and am really looking forward to coming up to Hartlepool in a few weeks to win votes for the Loony Party. I am hoping to knock the Labour ‘red wall’ down with a loony landslide and replace it with a yellow hedgerow of insanity.
I would very much like to thank my election agent George Stuart, aka ‘Sir Adrian Wall’, our minister for Scottish Widows and other Highland affairs, and ‘Dotty Dot’ for collecting the ten nominations.
We’ve all been inside for too long, I’ve had my first jab and looking forward to my second vaccination and after the election I very much hope to be Hartlepool’s next MP!
I am a single issue politician,and have had a long-standing campaign for the abolition of gravity.
My other policies:
- The Houses of Parliament will be relocated next to Hartlepool Marina.
- To halt the spread of new Covid variants all international travel will be by paddle steamer.
- We will enrol the Hartlepool ‘Victoria Arms’ darts team to speed up the pace of the vaccination program.
- Hartlepool Golf Club will be re-developed into an intergalactic space port.
- Visiting EU officials in Brexit trade talks with the UK will be required to wear a Darlington football strip. This will ruin their game.
- Return the British currency to pounds, shillings, pence, farthings and groats. Rural villages such as Hart can resume trade in shiny beads.
- The Official Monster Raving Loony Party would create fifty trillion pounds through quantitative easing and give all voters free lunch and complimentary drinks for ever.
- The Loony Party will issue ‘looncoin’ a crypto currency based on ‘bitcoin’ as a reserve currency just in case the fifty trillion pounds quantitative easing doesn’t work.
- All our remaining gold reserves will be placed on the last race at the Sedgefield Races in a bid to reduce the national debt.
- Coastal fishing will be made a spectator sport by introducing saltwater crocodiles into Hartlepool Bay.
Our 37th Annual Monster Raving Loony Party Conference in Louth, Lincolnshire, 2020 was cancelled, but we are to be at the same place, same venue, same entertainment, re-booked for Thurs 23-24-25-26- September 2021.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope Your Party Leader.