I am very pleased to be standing for Hartlepool in the by-election happening on the 6th of May. Just like everyone else I have been locked away for too long and am really looking forward to coming up to Hartlepool in a few weeks to win votes for the Loony Party. I am hoping to knock the Labour ‘red wall’ down with a loony landslide and replace it with a yellow hedgerow of insanity.
I would very much like to thank my election agent George Stuart, aka ‘Sir Adrian Wall’, our minister for Scottish Widows and other Highland affairs, and ‘Dotty Dot’ for collecting the ten nominations.
We’ve all been inside for too long, I’ve had my first jab and looking forward to my second vaccination and after the election I very much hope to be Hartlepool’s next MP!
I am a single issue politician,and have had a long-standing campaign for the abolition of gravity.
My other policies:
- The Houses of Parliament will be relocated next to Hartlepool Marina.
- To halt the spread of new Covid variants all international travel will be by paddle steamer.
- We will enrol the Hartlepool ‘Victoria Arms’ darts team to speed up the pace of the vaccination program.
- Hartlepool Golf Club will be re-developed into an intergalactic space port.
- Visiting EU officials in Brexit trade talks with the UK will be required to wear a Darlington football strip. This will ruin their game.
- Return the British currency to pounds, shillings, pence, farthings and groats. Rural villages such as Hart can resume trade in shiny beads.
- The Official Monster Raving Loony Party would create fifty trillion pounds through quantitative easing and give all voters free lunch and complimentary drinks for ever.
- The Loony Party will issue ‘looncoin’ a crypto currency based on ‘bitcoin’ as a reserve currency just in case the fifty trillion pounds quantitative easing doesn’t work.
- All our remaining gold reserves will be placed on the last race at the Sedgefield Races in a bid to reduce the national debt.
- Coastal fishing will be made a spectator sport by introducing saltwater crocodiles into Hartlepool Bay.
Our 37th Annual Monster Raving Loony Party Conference in Louth, Lincolnshire, 2020 was cancelled, but we are to be at the same place, same venue, same entertainment, re-booked for Thurs 23-24-25-26- September 2021.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope Your Party Leader.
One of Ministers, the delightful Linda Nolan has a new project on the go making Gin!
Launched last week and the initial batch sold out in under 15 hours!
Advanced orders can now be made on her https://hudsons-spirits.com website.
Enlisting the help of award-winning York-based distillery Sloemotion, Linda has created Hudson’s first offering, a Passion Fruit & Watermelon Gin – a deliciously dry gin, distilled traditionally and blended perfectly with wonder-foods passionfruit and watermelon, to create one smooth, sensational pour-filler that will get you In The Mood!
As part of our #LoonyLotto series of fun & games on our Twitter feed we need some help to devise some new flavours by playing #LoonyLindaGin
This game will close on Tues 23rd Feb at 8pm and Linda will select the best entries who will be suitably rewarded with a plethora on entries for Wednesday’s #LoonyLotto Prize Draw to win some OFFICIAL Loony merchandise.
One of the things that Civil Servants are duty bound to adhere to is to remain impartial at all possible times. This also means that they cannot undertake Ministerial positions, however, at present, there is nothing to prevent them from receiving honorary Ministerial positions! We are therefore delighted to announce, after 10 years sterling work on our behalf, to award Agent Larry an honorary Ministry.
After our Spiritual Leader, Screaming Lord Sutch’s sad passing, the two front runners to become our new leader, back in 1999, could not be separated after tightly fought contest so the OFFICIAL Monster Raving Loony Party became the first political party to be jointly ruled by man & beast, by Howling Laud Hope & Catmandu, (we do not count the unofficial claim to this title by Margaret Thatcher & John Major)
Agent Larry, 14, has had to endure three Prime Moggyster’s lodging with him since he moved from the Battersea Dog & Cat home in 2011.
In true Loony style he claims, on his Twitter account, to be in position longer than any leader of a UK political party. Howling Laud Hope, currently leader for over twenty one years has generously decided as a token of his esteem to overlook this claim.
We congratulate Agent Larry on his decade of service and duly make him our Minister of MPs (Meno-Paws) which we know he will run purrfectly.