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There was only three loonies at the Kenilworth & Southam count, my Election Agent Gary “Bratwurst’ Sweetman, Pete ‘Bunny’ Warren and myself. We were of course the highlight of the show and incumbent Jeremy Wright the former Attorney General and Culture Secretary joined in with all the fun. I polled 457 and he only just beat me by 29,894 votes!
All the other parties are making final election promises. Promises that they will undoubtedly be unable to keep.The Loony’s have our very own last ditch Manicfesto commitment before you decide to cast your vote tomorrow. . .
We will replace the traditional Christmas Tree for every home in the UK with a Magic Money Tree.
A visit from the prestigious Tokyo Broadcasting System was greeted in Loony HQ, ‘The Lucky Rover’ in Chessington by our Glorious Leader Howling Laud Hope. Also there, Chinners, Lord Lawson, Dr Dave Moore ‘Minister for Daftness’, Badger, Dame Dixon, Reverend Martin Hogbin, Big Norm & Baron Von Thunderclap.
A multi-loony interview and frivolity ensued along with testing out the freshly installed Practice Polling booth, led by the pubs landlord & owners Luck Lord George, Lady Frances & the lovely Lilliemae. Lilliemae continued her campaign for the promotion of our Breckon candidate Lily The Pink from over 300 miles away! The Tokyo crew were given a loony lesson in how to make a Loony point which they carried off with aplomb! >>Link to video<<
George Ridgeon is our sitting candidate in Cheltenham. He became a loony after seeing Screaming Lord Sutch in 1963 during his failed Stratford on Avon election. He started racing motorcycles and joined the fire brigade on Friday 13th December 1968. You have to be loony to race motorcycles and go into buildings on fire! Friday 13th December is the same date that the country will gain a new loony government.
George is standing in memory of the late Dancing Ken Hanks and has a £100 bet at 300/1 that he will retain his deposit. If he succeeds he will give the £30,000 winnings to Dancing Ken’s favourite charities.
The campaign trail was set alight last Saturday when and the rest of his Loony team were touring the Constituency in their battlebus and towing their trailer.
Pictured are L-R Lucan The Big Cigar, Jimmy Duke of Earl, Baron Von Rainer of The Hill, Sir Archibald, supporter Paul Halloran, Gilly Nicholls, Johnny Ringo Chickadelphia and Mr Andrew Gummidge of Windsor.
They are looking forward to the Victory party this weekend at The Woodman Inn Batley Carr prior to the Election.
I, Alan ‘Howling Laud’ Hope, live in Fleet, N E Hants, so yes, in your constituency. I have been the leader of this party for the last 20 years, currently Britains longest serving party leader. We are the party that’s on your side no matter what ‘Political
Persuasion’ you may be. Please remember that the only wasted vote is one that’s not used. If you don’t usually vote, then vote unusually, vote for me. If you have ever thought, I want to vote for ‘none of the above’, I am none of the above. In this case I shall be in the middle of your voting slip, so am also none of the below.
So c’mon , lets see if we can get a couple of thousand votes between us, it wont win, but it will certainly shake them up. He’s behind you, you’d better get it right, or else!!!
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope
This will be the sixth General Election in which I have stood as candidate in Sittingbourne & Sheppey, which is more than any of the other candidates and hence consider myself to be the “Father of the General Election”. As the most senior figure I am setting an example to the others.
- Free canned laughter for all folk from the jovial to the grave.
- Legalise mixed metaphors then we will lead the world in having the oyster at our feet.
- To improve pedestrian access to the West Country we will be buying a Stairway to Devon.