Being British

We in the Loony party often harp on about the fact that Britain is the best country in the world, and the British are the best people in the world, but we do have our faults. Here are a few of them:

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on

Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in  Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Only in  Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

Wheelie Bins – Proposed by Cameron

The idea of weight monitoring chips in wheelie bins should be scrapped, instead the wheels should be removed, this would mean that if people generated too much waist they could not put their non-wheelie bin out for collection.  It would also help prevent them being chucked into canals.

Obeescity in Kids

If you want your kids to be less fat…feed em less (do we need to make a policy of this?….its common sense)

Financial Crisis

Obviously the Loony Party Financial policy of Buy Low, Sell High has been ignored yet again. We all face an uncertain financial future which has been created by the banks, and as usual no doubt, we the taxpayer will be bailing them out. No doubt the directors will be volunteering to have their massive wages cut. In normal practice if we dont do a good job, we get sacked. Big bosses get bonuses, golden handshakes and bailed out (and the occassional Knighthood). With the situation regarding HBos shares dropping by 75%+ over the last few months, and with the takeover by LloydsTsb today,  one wonders if the Halifax will still be giving us a little extra? or as is normally the case when banks get into trouble, making sure we pay as much as possible via charges and fees to get them out of trouble. Not to mention the loss of jobs for the employees of Hbos? Anyone seen Howard lately?

Another concern in all this is that the government has said it will overrule any concerns that competition authorities may raise regarding this takeover. This leads me to the question why do taxpayers pay for competition authorities if the Government ignore and override them?

Loony Party supports the Gurkhas


Gurkhas fight on for equal rights.  

“Bravest of the brave, most generous of the generous, never had a country more faithful friends than you”  (Sir Ralph Turner MC, 3rd Queen Alexandra’s Own Gurkha Rifles, 1931)

If you are getting confused at who the Real Loony party is? us or the Government, let us reiterate that we are Official Loony’s they are Unofficial. You can easily differentiate by the policies and behaviour they exhibit in running this country. Will the real Loony Party please stand up. Please stand up. Please stand up.

The Government should be completely ashamed at the treatment they are giving these friends of Britain. The British people have a special place in their hearts towards these fearless friends of our country and culture and yet the British Government con them out of pension rights, and the legal right to stay in this country for which they have served so well and without question.

If the Loony party were in power, we would support our friends and bring some common sense and decency back to our Government.

But if we did that we wouldnt be politicians.

Teddy Bears

We have received some proposals from Chris regarding teddy Bears. Initially I thought this was a bit childish and silly but, as we recently stood at an by-election with the Fur Play Party we decided to display the proposals, and you can decide. Chris writes:

I would like to bring an urgent issue to your attention.

The issue, of an inadequate representation and lack of equality for Teddy Bears in modern society. They stay loyal to us through the good and the bad times for so many years, and then are dumped up in an attic, and forgotten. I propose you add to your manifesto:

1) equal rights for Teddies, including voting, marriage, driving and of course the right to drink if aged 18 or over.

2) It to be illegal to put Teddies in boxes, put them in attics, cupboards or anywhere else they will not get to see the light of day.

3) All work places and offices to have at least hired one teddy, and that it must be present in the office at all times.

4) A fair representation of the Teddy Bear minority in parliament.

5) Taxes to also be payable in milk, biscuits, bread and honey, and all other foods considered part of the teddy bear’s natural diet.

I was shocked and appalled, after mentioning this to a member of the labour party in the pub, and them shooting the idea down, calling it stupid and pointless.

I hope you take this issue seriously and address it immediately, it has been ignored by British governments for far too long, and once these laws are passed, we will be

leading the way in the fight for Equal Rights for Teddies globally.

Thanks, Christopher

Losing your home?

Times are hard and getting harder. Due to the Credit Crunch (created by the Banks). The rising costs of food and fuel, etc, House repossessions are increasing at an alarming rate and the housing market and values are decreasing. But one or two people have mentioned the fact that people have borrowed well in excess of their ability to repay. (The banks again lending irresponsibly). As a result Gordon brown has come up with a series of measures to help people in trouble. You can read the details here http://www.number10.gov.uk/Page16715. The point of this writing was made by someone who pointed out that if you are on a low/middle income and borrow excessively to finance your mortgage/new kitchen etc, and then get in debt up to the hilt with credit cards and loans, dont worry the Government (taxpayer) will bail you out. If you are on a low/middle income and work extra to get a good standard of living, dont borrow excessively and dont go into debt but live within your means..you get nothing? Comments please!

Party Conference 2008

Well, the Conference is over for another year and a great time was had by all, with a very good spread on the Politics show. We would like to thank everyone who came, and a special thanks to all the bands.

A full report with pics posted here CLICK HERE

As we have a large number of members who are in or are ex forces a special mention here to  supportourtroops.co.uk. who came and set up stall.

Needles – Proposed by Alex

Due to the increasing number of children afraid of needles, I propose the destruction of the tedious, scary and often painful process of school vaccinations.
Instead, I propose that highly trained nurses should be given free reign on the playground with specially modified tranquillizer rifles which apply vaccinations as well as a tranquillizer. This would have two main benefits: It would be less scary for the children as they will not know what hit them, also it will be more fun for the nurses